False Sunrise
by etherealloveliness
Summary: Set after Edward leaves in New Moon. Victoria comes and bites Bella, who goes to find the Cullens.
1. Preface

When your loved one leaves you, you feel like it's the end of the world. Nothing can stop the aching emptiness left in your heart. You're convinced that nothing can help you. The world moves on without you.

But it doesn't.

Eventually, you can move on, though the gaping hole still remains. And you're left hoping that they'll still come back. You wish with all your heart.

But they don't.

You wish they were here to comfort you, to hold you in their strong arms, and sing a lullaby, telling you that's it's all right.

But they're not.

Deep inside your mind, you know they're going to come back. Then you argue with yourself. _No, they're not_, you think.

But you keep wishing.


	2. Nighttime Visitor

I sat in my desk, listening to the raindrops pattering against my window. Everything was blurry outside, so I couldn't see the beauty. Not that I would want to.

Charlie's snoring brought me out of my trance. I glanced at the digital clock on my nightstand. Sighing, I slammed my homework notebook shut, creating a breeze that knocked something to the ground.

Bending over, I squinted my eyes to inspect it. I felt nauseous when I recognized it. Two plane tickets to visit Renee in Florida.

I closed my eyes, leaning into my desk chair for comfort. A headache was beginning to form, and I blindly reached into my backpack, searching for Aspirin. When I found the little container, I opened it quickly and popped a pill in my mouth. I swallowed it dry, ignoring the foul taste left in my mouth.

When I woke up later, it was pitch black out. I mentally scolded myself for falling asleep, but the humming of the computer monitor left me drowsy, and fighting hard to keep my eyes open long enough for me to at least get into a decent pair of nightclothes.

As I rose to me feet, I stopped short as I heard a light scratching noise on the side of my house. Shrugging, I quickly dismissed it. It was probably just a squirrel or something.

But I got annoyed as it continued, eventually walking over to my window to peer out into the night.

I froze, and my breath starting coming faster now. A cold sweat dewed on my neck, while my heart started pounding against my chest like it was attempting to escape the horror that now awaited me. But the worst part was, knowing that I could do nothing to stop it. I couldn't run to Charlie like I did with Renee when I was little, afraid the monsters were going to get me. He couldn't stop it; nobody could.

I prayed to God that I would be okay, that she wouldn't hurt Charlie. The scratching sound was right outside my window now. The crazy thing was, all the thoughts rushing through my brain now happened in a matter of seconds.

My heart thumping wildly, I slowly turned my head to look out the window again. Two glowing red eyes returned my gaze steadily.

Victoria was back.

Tiny gasps came from between my clenched teeth, and I curled my arms around my stomach, which was tied in a knot.

The sound of shattering glass came from beside me. Trembling, I shifted my body to face the vampire, now perched on top of my desk.

I hadn't forgotten the beauty of vampires, the picture had just faded over time. For a moment, I was struck by the image of her. I realized with a dull ache that it had been quite some time since I had had a vampire in my room.

Her unnaturally pale face was framed by a mass of wild, flame-colored hair, which was swirling around by the cool breeze drafting through my broken window. She turned towards me in one, fluid movement.

"Where are the Cullens?" she hissed at me.

I gulped, my eyes refusing to meet hers. "I d-don't know," I stuttered, partially lying. Victoria narrowed her eyes at me, suspecting that I knew something. I figured that I was telling the truth, in a way; I didn't know the _exact_ location of my vampire family. I had heard something about them being in California, but I didn't pay attention to detail.

She got off the desk and stepped over to me, leaning in so her face was inches away from mine. I hated how her eyes seemed to be taunting me for my pain. "Very well, then," she whispered. Her sweet breath washed over me, momentarily dizzying me. "I'll just take you as my substitute. Simple enough."

Her words crashed into me like a recking ball.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my brow furrowing. Though I knew well what she meant. But some small part of me hoped....

She chuckled darkly, and stopped playing with my hair. "It means _you_, my dear Bella, will die instead of your mate and his family." Looking back on her words, she paused. "Your _human_ life will end tonight," she corrected.

I exhaled sharply, causing Victoria to smirk at me, knowing I finally got it. "I'm going to be a...." I couldn't finish my sentence. When _he_ was with me, that was all I wanted. But if he wasn't, I didn't want to wallow in this pain forever.

The vampire in front of me nodded once, before her hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, forcing the inside of my arm to be facing out. Wisely, her other hand covered my mouth, not allowing me to scream.

She bent down, and whispered in my ear, her breath tickling me. "Remember your last night as a human well."

Her glistening teeth sunk down into my soft skin, and started drinking greedily. The moment she pierced my arm, I knew it was over. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop screaming as Victoria sucked the life out of me.

Time passed slowly, in which I learned that screaming did no good, so I stopped, my throat sore. Tears started trickling down my cheeks. _I love you, Edward, _I thought. He was right; I was a danger magnet. He wasn't here to save me this time. As I had once said, Edward was Superman, I was Lois Lane, the weak, human girl who couldn't stay out of trouble.

Eventually, Victoria snapped out of her pleasure and remembered her purpose. After taking one last, remorseful gulp of my blood, she pulled back and wiped my blood off her pale lips. Picking me up, she climbed back out the window, and jumped, me with her.

As soon as she hit the ground, she broke into a dead sprint toward the woods behind my house. We had just reached the first set of trees when the screaming began.

Suddenly my whole body burst into flames. Shrieking, I couldn't wish for anything more right now than for this torture that just started to stop. It didn't matter if only seconds had passed; I gave up, I didn't want to do this anymore. Couldn't I please die, just leave this world? This burning was too much for me to take. It was impossible to endure.

This was worse than the time when James snapped my leg in half, worse than the whole in my chest. I begged whoever was holding me to make it stop. All I got in return was a sharp laugh that shredded any remaining hope to dust.

I started thrashing around. Surely the flames burning me alive had to stop sometime? I should be dead by now! But I wasn't, and I realized with horror that the worst part was that this agony I was experiencing wasn't ending anytime soon.

The fire didn't stop, it raged on and on. I screamed, not hearing the awful sound reverberating off the thick trees surrounding me.

And as I lived, I was dying, burning up in the flames of Hell.


	3. Grief

Time dragged on slowly, and eventually I learned to deal with the pain, though it never went away, never decreased in the slightest. The flames still thrived on every inch of my skin.

But I noticed that things were changing.

My hearing got sharper, which I learned when I recognized the sound of retreating footsteps as the monster walked away from me, leaving me in the middle of nowhere.

I could hear other sounds as well—the chirping of birds as they called to one another, the crunching of leaves as animals trampled over them, and the rushing flow of water.

Slowly, as every second ticked by, I began to see clearer, too. I traced my eyes over the ragged bark of trees, and I marveled in the beauty of the sky, as it brightened up for the day and darkened in preparation for the night.

Around this time I discovered the beauty of sunrises. I loved how all the colors blended so well together that they obtained a rosy look. I had always adored them, but it was now when I had an infinite amount of time stretched in front of me, that I truly learned to appreciate them.

It was during one of these such mornings that the fires reached my heart. I could feel my heart speeding up, going overtime. I started to thrash around on the ground, as my heart beat faster and faster. With every breath I took my heart seemed to thump louder and increase in speed, until it turned into once single beat in which the heat escalated infinitely. All I could hear was my heart; all I could feel was fire.

Then there was nothing. No sound, no heat. Time still moved, but my own world had come to a screeching halt. The inferno receded from my body as quickly as it had come.

I jerked up in one swift movement to stand on my feet. The previous action left me stunned; I had decided to stand up, and I was as soon as the thought crossed my mind I was on my feet

.

It was only then that I realized what I had become. My cloudy human memories seemed so distant, like it was years ago that this happened.

All the evidence was here in front of me, and I couldn't ignore it, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't ignore the clearness of the world, nor my quick movements. Not even the painful burning in my throat….

My throat! I grasped it, trying to pinpoint the source. Even as thoughts swirled through my mind—several different ones at once—it took me a few seconds to realize what it was.

It was _thirst_.

Because I was a vampire.

I stood there for a long time, numb, letting the shock set in. So desperately I needed Edward to be there to comfort me. I could never talk to Angela, or Jess, or even Mike. Not Charlie or Renee—oh, Renee! She would be so self-driven by grief she wouldn't be able to function. The police would assume I had died.

Eventually my one self-need brought me back to attention. The thirst in my throat flared up.

Hesitating, as I didn't know how to start, I began running south, looking for food. My goal was to become a vegetarian like the Cullens, but after I slipped up the first time, how would I fare? If Jasper, who had been practicing this lifestyle for fifty years, had immense trouble, then I could just imagine my grim future as a newborn vampire.

I closed my eyes, letting my newfound instincts guide me. I was ready to change direction, when a scent caught my focus. It lit my throat on fire, and I was suddenly consumed with thirst. It was all I could think of.

I was barely aware of the innocent hiker with his nose in a gigantic map. Not thinking, just driven by my instincts, I lunged. The man screamed once, a sound that was cut off suddenly as I twisted his neck to the side with a sinister crack!

The hiker stopping squirming in my arms, instead going limp. As soon as this happened, I bit into his neck, and starting taking in blood by mouthfuls.

I could not imagine how I could have lived with this before—without this thick, delectable elixir that I had been deprived of in my human life. The sweet liquid poured into my eager and waiting mouth easily.

After several minutes in heaven, the corpse began to run dry. _No, no, no!_ I thought, as the last bit of blood trickled out.

Wiping my bloodied lips on my sleeve, what I had done began to sink in. A sudden, overwhelming sorrow engulfed me.

After spending the night debating, I realized that as much as I wanted to pick up the Cullens' lifestyle, I couldn't. Thinking over the previous day, I didn't have much of a choice—human blood was so good.

Now I pitied Jasper—how awful he must have felt at my disastrous birthday party! I couldn't stop myself, neither could he. When I was feeding, I was not Bella. I was some monster that didn't deserve to live. And at least Jasper had _tried_.

My life should've ended a few days ago. _I shouldn't be living right now_, I realized morosely as I watched the sky change colors.

With a sudden start, the time of day suddenly seemed significant to me. Past words echoed in my head as I watched the heavens soften into a beautiful, dark blue.

It was twilight.


	4. Journey

**I've been trying to write longer chapters, but this one was harder, so it's not as long as I would've liked it to be. Comments are appreciated—a big thanks goes out to the people who have so far!**

**I will be accepting requests for any stories or one-shots. If you do want me to write one for you, please PM me. **

**Thanks and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the Twilight Saga. All characters belong to her. **

I spent the whole night and part of the morning watching the sky change colors. It felt as though nothing could harm me as the focus of my attention went from a dark, velvet color to a soft, mellow orange-pink.

And as I watched this, I was debating. How should I spend the rest of eternity? I couldn't spend it doing _nothing_.

Just as the sun rose above the treetops, I made my decision. Overnight, life had suddenly become more precious. I had come to realize that the unexpected could happen, and I should live each day as my last. So I might as well do the unthinkable, because as far as I knew, I didn't plan on getting ripped to shreds and then tossed into a fire anytime soon.

I would visit the Cullens.

Which was basically the equivalent.

-

I knew the Cullens better than to actually go to where they said they were going. But just to make sure, I broke into the Forks Library on the last night I would stay in my beloved town.

It was dark and empty, all the employees asleep in their homes, long gone home from work.

Silently, I slunk over to one of the public computers and turned it on, trying to stay patient as the old machine slowly came to life. As soon as the desktop appeared, I clicked on the menu bar and quickly typed in 'Carlisle Cullen'.

Only a few links came up, one about a professor teaching part time at Cornell.

After about fifteen minutes of searching, clicking on numerous search results, I found one about where a 'Dr. Cullen' lived. I knew immediately that it was him.

Searching around, I found a notepad and a stubby pencil in a drawer behind the checkout counter. Feeling oddly like a stalker, I wrote down the address and shoved the paper in my pocket.

I hastily unplugged the computer cords, not waiting to see the screen go blank, though I did hear the humming stop abruptly, leaving an empty void which felt awkward.

I took no time in waiting to get out of there.

As I left the small, rainy town of Forks, I felt a deep longing to just turn around and go back. This was the place where I had come, and found the love of my life. This was were my dreams came to life—the dreams I didn't even know I had—and where they were crushed. The last thought left a bitter edge to my thoughts, and I pushed them back, not allowing myself to think about them. Until further notice, that topic would never come up again, until I had to face it.

It would make the journey much more pleasant.

-

In four days, I managed the cross the United States; I only stopped once to feed, which put me back only an hour or so.

In the short time that I had gotten to know the Cullens, I had found out that they were highly secretive, making sure not to expose themselves. When they appeared too old or someone started to get suspicious, or even watch them too much, they would move on, fabricating a reasonable explanation about why they had left on such a short notice.

It was nightfall when I reached the outskirts of the city. Pulling out the crumpled up piece of paper out of my pocket, I skimmed over the address quickly, memorizing it. I took a deep breath—which would probably be my last for a while—and walked into the city.

I ran into Northwest Ithaca, skimming along Cayuga Lake until I reached Taughannock Boulevard.

Slowing to a brisk pace, my eyes roamed the houses, until I found one that looked Cullen-worthy.

It was a lakefront house, with a deck wrapping around its massive frame. A winding driveway led up to it, like the beautiful, white mansion they owned back in Forks. A pebbled beach led up to the lake.

Quietly, I darted across the dark lawn—it felt weird not to feel my nervous heart thumping against my chest. I stopped suddenly, reaching their door.

I took a deep breath, and knocked.


	5. Parents

Carlisle opened the door as soon as I knocked, then froze. His usually calm and naturally friendly mask was replaced with one with shock and disbelief. I didn't know anything to shock Carlisle, and I didn't expect this to. His calm demeanor was gone as soon as he lay eyes on me.

He shook his head slowly, not believing what he was seeing. "...Bella?" he whispered, blinking his eyes.

"Yes," I murmured, looking at my feet, which were suddenly a million times more interesting than they were ever before. I didn't dare meet his eyes.

When I had first met Carlisle, he was treating to my injuries after Edward had saved me from Tyler's van. This was an entirely different experience. Usually, he was the reassuring figure; somehow, our roles had been reversed, me assuring him.

He hastily snapped out of it, though his bronze eyes still retained incredulity. The father figure I had once known cleared his throat, gesturing me to come in. "Please, come and have a seat." I walked in and chose to sit on a beige couch, while he silently shut the door behind me before coming to join me.

Esme's voice rang out from another room. "Who's there, Carlisle?"

"Bella," he answered in a neutral tone.

There was silence. "Bella?" Esme uttered, coming into the room. "Bella, as in Bella Swan?" Her eyes, like Carlisle's, widened.

"Oh," she whimpered, gliding over to me and embracing me in a strong hug. "Oh, Bella, Bella," I heard her say over and over again, rubbing my back in soothing circles. She loosened her arms, leaning back to stare at me. Love was quickly replaced with concern.

"What happened?" The simple question asked was really a whole set of questions, streaming into multiple others.

I bit my lips, not quite entirely sure how to answer. "I'm a vampire?" I stated uncertainly, wondering if I was saying the wrong thing.

"Yes, dear, we figured that part out. But _how_? The whole reason Edward left you was to protect you!"

I was about to answer, when the last sentence registered. I sat there, stunned, while two vampires were anxiously awaiting my response.

This didn't make any sense at all. Edward had told me that he didn't love me anymore, not that he wanted to _protect _me. An imaginary lightbulb went off in my head. Edward, not wanting to upset his family, told them that he wanted to leave to protect me—a reasonable excuse. But really, he didn't want me anymore. He had had his fun with me, the shiny toy was not fun to play with anymore, so he threw me away.

I didn't want to tell his parents this, but they had to know.

"No, he didn't. He didn't want me anymore." My heart was shattering into a million little pieces as I spoke these words. But this was the truth, and it had to come out sometime.

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, disbelief clouding their faces. "Bella," Carlisle said, turning his head toward me, "what exactly did Edward tell you?"

Without my permission, my thoughts swirled back in time to that September day in the woods.

"_Bella, we're leaving."_

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me."_

"_You're not good for me, Bella."_

"_I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

"_Goodbye, Bella."_

And like that day in the forest, my legs started shaking, my core numbing. "No," I whispered, shaking my head. "No."All my other human memories were blurry, but this one seemed clearest of all. My mind refused to let go of the pain, forcing me to keep it with me for eternity.

My stomach churned uncomfortably, and Esme's voice sounded distant, barely breaking through the thick waters. "Bella? Bella! Are you okay? Bella!!!" Hands clasped around my shoulders and shook me lightly, but with enough force to make my memories slip quietly back into the dark corners of my mind.

"Sorry," I mumbled, wringing my hands together and looking at the floor. My hair fell around my face, creating a perfect barrier.

"We need to know," Carlisle reminded me gently, careful not to upset me again.

My face hardened, and I closed my eyes. "He didn't want me....I don't think he ever did. I was amusing while I lasted, but eventually he got bored." I opened my eyes, and stared blankly out a window.

Esme pushed a strand of my hair back. "Oh, sweetie."

-

I had grown quite comfortable with the Cullens, to my surprise. Esme let me stay in the guest room, and I decorated it to my liking, with her permission. It looked much like my old room in Forks, but I left the walls bare, as I had nothing to decorate them with. I assured Esme it was fine, though she still prodded me about every so often.

Much had gone on without me, and I felt distant from the family of vampires. Carlisle was working part time at Cornell, which I already knew. Esme was restoring a house from the seventeenth century, while Alice was doing some personal research. Rosalie and Emmett had recently left for Europe on another honeymoon. Jasper was studying philosophy at Cornell, though I hadn't run into him yet. I decided I would ask Carlisle to call him, asking him to come home for a day or two, though he didn't tell him why. I had wanted to talk to Jasper about some issues I had been having; I'd also never gotten the chance to apologize to him about my eighteenth birthday party.

They didn't know where Edward was; he didn't keep in touch much.

Then the topic came up...about my diet. I had known they were going to ask sooner or later, but I didn't rather want to talk about it.

"So, Bella," Carlisle said one afternoon. "Do you have a preference for diet yet?"

I shifted uneasily in my seat, not wanting to tell him the truth—that I had chosen my diet, it was just not the same as his.

I wanted to change, I really did, but I couldn't. I opened my mouth to gently say that our preferences were different, but then the doorbell rang. I let out a sigh of relief, but low enough that he couldn't hear me.

Carlisle jumped to his feet and walked briskly over to the front door to answer it. I already knew who it was, though.

He opened the door, revealing Jasper.

"Carlisle," he said warmly. "What was your concern? I came as soon as I got you message, but I was wondering...." He trailed off as I came into view. His jaw hung slightly open, and I turned my head to the side, trying to pass of the impression that I was preoccupied with something else, and I didn't even know he was there.

He could feel my emotions though, so he knew. I tried to maintain a thoughtful look on my face, as if I was concentrating on something, and that if he called out my name, I would lose my train of thought.

He did anyway. "Bella?" he choked, his golden eyes practically popping out of his head. What did he think? I didn't understand why the Cullens kept asking my name—they knew it was me. It was really quite a nuisance, which bothered me terribly.

To be polite though, I focused my attention on him. "Yes, Jasper?"

Stunned, he meandered over to me, plopping down on the sofa. "But...Edward....He didn't...he wouldn't...."

I placed one of my hands on his back. "No, Jasper, he didn't change me. Someone else did." He looked at me, truly taking me in for the first time. He made an odd but relaxed facial expression, for once not having to feel the painful burn in his throat when I was over.

"May I talk to you somewhere private?" Though Jasper had almost killed me last year, I still trusted him tremendously. He knew what it felt like to kill someone, without trying to. To be prisoner to thirst. I needed to be assured that I wasn't a _dreadful_ monster, just a monster. That it was normal for me to be like this.

He nodded one, a movement short and sharp. Jasper gestured for me to follow him, and he led me up a winding staircase, finally stopping outside a door at the end of the hallway on the second floor. Opening it, he revealed more stairs, narrow this time. A musky odor filled my nostrils as I followed him upstairs, into what appeared to be the attic. Sunlight streamed in through slanted windows, lighting up dust motes dancing through the air.

Though the smell wasn't exactly pleasant, the attic was quiet and left me with a sense of inner peace. I calmly turned to face Jasper.

"I need to talk to you," I sighed, looking up into his deep, golden eyes—an exact copy of Edward's.


	6. Jasper

Jasper's expressions kept changing as he took in my emotions and processed them. I didn't want him to feel too much pain, but I wanted him to know what Edward had put me through. I so desperately needed for someone to understand.

After a few moments of neither one of us talking, he spoke. "What has my brother done to you, Bella?" he murmured, to both him and myself.

"Nothing," I responded quietly.

His amber eyes flashed once in understanding, then it was gone, replaced by a calm mask. He still hid behind this, even though he knew I had seen.

This aggravated me; why could he understand my emotions when not even _I_ could? I growled in annoyance, causing his mouth to twitch up in an amused smirk.

Jasper cleared his throat, and the smile disappeared from his face. "It's okay Bella. What you're feeling is perfectly normal."

I cried out in frustration, just wanting this whole mess to be over. "But what am I feeling?" I yowled. Why did Edward have to leave? I was had tried to be what he needed—but that wasn't enough to suffice. Plain, clumsy Bella could never be the right person for the charming, smooth, handsome Edward Cullen.

In a dull monotone, he started talking. "Longing, Torment, Sadness, Shame, Neglect...." With a start, I realized he was listing my emotions one by one. And as soon as he said them, I understood. I found I could pinprick each little feeling to his description.

Jasper looked me straight in the eyes. "Bella, when Edward first brought you to our house, I was overwhelmed by the love he projected to me for you, a frail human girl. Never had I seen my brother so happy. He had finally found his other, his soulmate. Let me explain this to you, Bella—when vampires change, the change is permanent. That means that when I fell in love with Alice, I would never stop loving her. Because our bodies are frozen in time, when something changes, it can't be reversed, it's just added."

A deep sense of regret came across his face. "It's me to blame Bella, if you're blaming anyone. I couldn't control myself at your birthday party. Edward left because he wanted you to be safe. If you could feel—just for a moment—the pain I felt from him when he left, you would know...you would know right away that he loves you."

I opened my mouth to talk, but he didn't let me. "He still thinks you're human." I closed my mouth slowly, my stomach in a knot.

Jasper laughed without humor, a dry sound that reverberated off the attic walls. "In fact, the last time we heard from him, he was trying to track Victoria. But he doesn't know where she is now. So—" He stopped, a weird expression playing across his face.

"What is it, Bella?" My bottom lip was trembling, and I wasn't seeing anything.

The world stopped when I said three words that brought all of the pieces together. "Victoria bit me."

No talking. No breathing. Just silence. Infinite silence that dragged on and on.

It should be expected, really. I hadn't told anybody how I had become a vampire, but somehow Jasper made me feel like I could trust him. I don't know why, though. Something about his presence—it was very similar to Edward's.

Not that I would ever feel that way for Jasper. He just reminded me of my one, true love that I would never see again.

"Bella....What exactly happened?" Jasper murmured, a whisper soft enough nobody but us could hear it.

I closed my eyes, remembering.

_I froze, and my breath starting coming faster now. A cold sweat dewed on my neck, while my heart started pounding against my chest like it was attempting to escape the horror that now awaited me. But the worst part was, knowing that I could do nothing to stop it. I couldn't run to Charlie like I did with Renee when I was little, afraid the monsters were going to get me. He couldn't stop it; nobody could._

_I prayed to God that I would be okay, that she wouldn't hurt Charlie. The scratching sound was right outside my window now. The crazy thing was, all the thoughts rushing through my brain now happened in a matter of seconds. _

_My heart thumping wildly, I slowly turned my head to look out the window again. Two glowing red eyes returned my gaze steadily._

_Victoria was back._

_Tiny gasps came from between my clenched teeth, and I curled my arms around my stomach, which was tied in a knot. _

_The sound of shattering glass came from beside me. Trembling, I shifted my body to face the vampire, now perched on top of my desk._

_I hadn't forgotten the beauty of vampires, the picture had just faded over time. For a moment, I was struck by the image of her. I realized with a dull ache that it had been quite some time since I had had a vampire in my room. _

_Her unnaturally pale face was framed by a mass of wild, flame-colored hair, which was swirling around by the cool breeze drafting through my broken window. She turned towards me in one, fluid movement. _

"_Where are the Cullens?" she hissed at me._

My eyes shot open, and I calmly met Jasper's. "Nothing."

He felt my guarded emotions, and slitted his eyes together. "Tell me Bella. This is something Edward needs to know."

I started shaking my head the second he uttered the name of my ex-lover. I couldn't bear the thought of Edward coming back while I was here, and then just rejecting me a second time.

When Edward left me, it was like someone had pulled a heartstring, so that my whole heart unraveled, left in a crumpled heap.

My frame shook with dry sobs. I longed to feel Edward's strong arms wrap around me, shushing me with his sweet kisses, while his cold breath tickled me.

Jasper gently placed a comforting hand on my back. "Bella, Edward's going to come back, sooner or later. He can't live without you. In fact, we tried calling him when you were still back in Forks, telling him to come back and end his misery. You two were good for each other, but he didn't share our same beliefs. He'll come around, Bella."

By now I had calmed myself down enough to stop shaking. I cleared my throat, and straightened my posture. "Thank you," I said smoothly.

He curtly nodded his head. "Now, about Victoria. Tell me, Bella." This wasn't optional; his butterscotch eyes were serious and hard. He was demanding.

My breath hitched, and to distract myself, I looked at the sunlight. I wanted to go over there, to greet it, instead of avoiding it. Without realizing it, I placed one foot in front of the other, the other foot in front of the previous, and so on. I glided over to the swirling dust motes.

I lay down on the light wood floor. Jasper said nothing while all of that took place. I needed some time to myself.

A small smile lit my face as tiny crystals started shining on my skin, until I was covered in them. The warmth felt so good on my cold, dead skin. I could stay here forever, and just forget about my troubles.

Maybe I could lay here and possibly fall asleep. I wish I could—the day after I realized Edward was a vampire, I had gone out on one of Forks' sunny days and started to read my favorite classic novels. Then I fell asleep in the sun, its rays protecting me, leaving me in a safe haven.

Light footsteps approached me, and someone kneeled down. "So, Bella. You were saying?" Jasper prodded me.

I rolled myself to one side, shading my eyes from the sun as I looked up at him, an old habit. "Yes. Victoria bit me. She broke into my house at night."

I resumed my former position on my stomach. Could I please lay here forever?

A startled sound came from him. "Then what happened?"

A small growl came through my clenched teeth. "She asked where you were. I lied to her. She bit me. Here I am. Story done," I mumbled, uninterested in the whole situation.

The sun had somehow given me a natural high, not as in the drugs, but something that made me happy.

He shook his honey hair out of his eyes, and the strangest expression crossed his face. "You...risked your life for us?"

_Without a doubt,_ I thought, but I didn't say that out loud. "Not the first time, eh?" I said instead, propping myself up on my elbow to look at him.

He sat down next to me. In the softest voice, he thanked me. Jasper's eyes were brimming with unspoken gratitude. "I didn't know you cared so much."

"You were my family. You gave me so much. You made me happy. It was the least I could do."

He hesitated. "But after your birthday...."

I snorted, surprising him. "I don't care, Jasper. I do the same thing now. Not that I cared back then—it was unavoidable. _I _should've been more careful."

Jasper shook his head, sending the dust motes flying. "I'm glad you forgive me, but you really shouldn't. I'm sorry, Bella. I caused Edward to leave you."

"Not you, too!" I shouted, exasperated at the whole lie. "Edward left me because he didn't love me, not for my safety!"

He was disagreeing before I finished. "Bella, I don't need his talent to know what he was thinking. His emotions said it all. He wanted you to have a natural life, Bella. By staying with you, he thought he was putting you in danger," he explained.

"Well then he's stupid! I wasn't in danger!" I protested. "I wouldn't have cared, as long as he was with me!" My dead heart throbbed, aching at the blatant truth to my words.

Jasper let a sad smile touch his face, just for a second. Then it disappeared. "Whatever you say. But we're dropping the whole conversation."

"Okay." That was good enough for me.

His expression suddenly became guarded. "If you don't mind me asking...."

Instantly, I became curious. "What?"

"What's your choice of diet?"

I steadily returned his gaze, never flinching, betraying no hint of emotion. "Not your choice."

Jasper looked away first, and nodded, understanding. A cocky grin spread across his face, and he turned to face me. "Hard, isn't it?"

I nodded vehemently. "You have no idea!" He most definitely did, but I didn't say that. It made me feel better, taking all the guilt.

"Ah, but I do know," he contradicted, his smile creasing his yellow eyes. The smile let me feel better, knowing I wasn't alone in my struggle.

I bit my lip, avoiding his gaze. "I tried," I sighed deeply. "But it was too much for me. I-I couldn't handle it. The pull was too strong." I brushed back a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

Jasper put a hand on my shoulder. "Hey," he said, causing me to look up. "It's okay. Its _natural,_" he assured me. He pulled his arm back.

"Did you try?" Jasper asked me, raised one eyebrow.

I thought back to the first day as a newborn. All I could remember was burning and sadness and thirst. "Not really," I admitted sheepishly.

He straightened up. "Why?" he asked, simply curious.

I just sat there for a moment, thinking. Why didn't I try? _Could_ I have? Or did I not want to? The latter thought horrified me, and the guilt sank in deeper as I realized that that was probably the case. Most likely, I hadn't wanted to stop.

"Well, I think the pull was really strong." I cringed at the lie, which sounding terribly fake. I never was a good liar.

Jasper didn't buy it for a second. "That's not true." He gave me a disapproving look.

Crap! I had forgotten I was with an empath. He could see right through my lie.

Looking away for the millionth time, I wrapped my arms around my waist. "I don't know," I admitted. The one good thing about an empath was that they could tell when you were getting annoyed.

Jasper searched for a way to lighten the topic. "So what _do_ you want to talk about?"

I let out a huge sigh. "I don't know what I want to talk about. How's Alice?" I had wondered how my best friend was doing. How was she faring without someone to tease and someone to dress up?

He grinned, exposing his gleaming white teeth. "She's perfect." Jasper was thoughtful for a moment. "She misses you terribly though," he added, making me feel better instantly that at least _someone_ missed me.

I missed her, too.

"When will she be home?" I would be so glad to see the little psychic again. It hurt to not see her cheerful expression directed at me.

"She'll be here soon."

The sun was starting to go down, and that was my cue to go back downstairs—for a little while, at least—to let Carlisle and Esme know that we hadn't died in the attic.

I looked at Jasper, nodding my head towards the door, still wide open. That unnerved me a little bit, but I knew that they were too kind to eavesdrop.

We stood up together and he led me through the doorway, gently shutting the door as we left the peaceful attic.

We walked down the second flight of stairs, where Esme was waiting for us.

"Jasper," she greeted him. "It's so good to see you." I realized that she hadn't been with Carlisle and I when Jasper had arrived, so she hadn't gotten to see him.

"It's good to see you, too, Esme." He embraced her in a quick hug.

She turned to me, a smile on her face. "Alice called." I got excited at what that could mean. Was Alice going to come here?

"She saw you, Bella; she's coming to visit," Esme said, taking my hands in hers in a comforting gesture.

If I hadn't been so pleased by this simple fact, I would've noticed that my happiness was contagious—Carlisle walked into the room to see what all my eager squeals were about.

And in that moment—the three out of seven of the Cullens there—it seemed that maybe, just maybe, my life was coming back together again. Little by little.


	7. Alice

**Thank you for reviewing! That made me so happy!**

**I tried to make this chapter long like the last one, but...it didn't work out. I kept coming up blank. Sorry it took so long to write, too. I've had a lot going on—plus I'm sick.**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, nor do I own any of the characters including in this story.**

-

I sat in the guest room, inspecting some books I had pulled off of Carlisle's shelf.

Most of them were dusty and faded, the covers tattered. Some part of that fascinated me, though, and intrigued me to dive into the depths of the pages.

I was reaching for a dull, blue book, when a different one caught my eyes. Newer than the others, it was a bright, vibrant red, and gold letters were emblazoned on the front. This book couldn't be more than twenty years old, at the most.

_Understanding ESP_, it read. Tentatively, I opened up the the front cover, my curiosity driving me.

The door bell rang.

Startled, I dropped the book, returning itself to its original state. Voices drafted up from downstairs. A new voice—new but known—made its way up to me.

Alice was here.

She drifted up the staircase, her black eyes cautious and darting around, when they landed on me.

At once, her entire face lit up, causing the whole room to turn into a ball of positive energy. "Bella!" she squealed, rushing over to me and flinging herself onto me, embracing me in a warm hug.

"Alice," I murmured. She let go, and leaned back to look at me.

After several minutes of greeting—which very well could've been an hour—we got serious, and the girly shrieks quieted down.

I sighed—how I had missed Alice, the bright little pixie who had been there for me when I needed it. _All but one time, _I corrected myself. But I refused to let that thought corrupt my happiness, and didn't dwell on it for too long, pushing it to the back of my mind.

Though it did concern me when I saw her eyes. Alice had never been one to let her thirst get out of control, but her eyes were unnaturally dark according to her standards.

I decided to voice the thought aloud. "Alice?" I asked, being the first one to talk after we had greeted each other.

She looked up, raising her eyebrows. "Yes?" Being so typically herself, she batted her eyelashes for effect.

"...Why are your eyes so black?" The question sounded wrong coming out of my mouth, odd and foreign. I wasn't familiar with vampire etiquette, but it sounded to me like I was being terribly rude.

Alice suddenly became completely serious, a rare look for herself. "Oh." She ran her fingers through her spiky black hair, her expression thoughtful.

"Well," she began, fidgeting with the plaid dress she wore, "I was...doing some personal research."

Her last two words intrigued me. _Personal research_. I had always wondered about Alice's past, even more so since the incident in Phoenix.

"Like what?" I asked, shifting my weight.

She hesitated, biting her bottom lip. "Well...it turns out my full name was Mary Alice Brandon, and I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi in the year 1901."

Like an automatic impulse, my first reaction was not awe, but instead I blurted out, "That's Edward's birthday!" I felt my face burn, but my pale skin refused to let any blush escape. Except for the look I wore, no trace of embarrassment graced my features.

"Yes," she agreed, unfazed. "I was nineteen when I was turned. Physically, I'm older than him, but he's older to this way of life."

Once again, my reaction was wrong. I just nodded my head in silent confirmation, drinking in this new information. It intrigued me; I hadn't known that Alice and Edward were practically the same age.

I cocked my head to the side, fully attentive to every word that tumbled out of Alice's mouth. "Anything else?"

"Nothing really." She stopped, a twinkle in her eyes. "Though I did have a younger sister named Cynthia."

She shook her head, refusing to be sidetracked. "But that's not why I came here, Bella. The reason I came here was _you_."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Why?" Out of all the people in this house, why would she come see me?

She looked at me, exasperated. "Because I saw you—something went wrong! And on top of that, I got a flash of Victoria, too! What the hell happened?"

I took me a second to realize she was talking about her visions. Had I really forgotten that much? It seemed impossible, but the more I though about it, the more likely it became.

After several more seconds went by, I grasped that she was waiting for me to speak.

_But I'm not ready for that!_ my mind protested, practically screaming at me. Just because I had opened up to Jasper didn't mean I could open up to Alice. Besides, he was an empath—he had the ability to make me spill my guts.

The vampire in front of me tapped her foot impatiently on the hard wood floor, pursing her tiny mouth together so that it was in a straight line. The completed picture almost made me laugh out loud.

Then I came back to reality. Alice was still waiting.

"Right," I began, fidgeting with a quilt on the end of my bed, decorated with bright geometric shapes. The only way, I comprehended, was to make the story as short as possible, as I did with Jasper. If she was going to be demanding, she could be demanding. That didn't mean that I was going to give her _exactly _what she wanted.

I put on my poker face, which I had practiced between the time in which Jasper talked to me up till now. "Victoria broke into my house. She bit me. It hurt. I'm a vampire. The end," I finished, wrapping up the past couple weeks into a few sentences.

In my whole life, I had never seen Alice shocked. Sure, maybe thrown a little off guard, but never shocked. So it was weird to put two and two together.

Unnerved, I glanced away and started combing my fingers through my knotted hair. Alice's cold white hand shot out and grabbed it, slowly pulling it down. I didn't resist—the action made me curious.

"Bella," she said in a far-off voice. I cocked my head to the side.

She turned towards me; her pale lips were trembling in the slightest. "Victoria?" she asked, waiting for my acknowledgement, which I gave her in a single nod.

Her eyes cleared up, the glaze retreating. They searched my face, trying to find something that gave her proof that I was lying. When they didn't find any, she looked away, heaving a sigh.

"But why you?" she murmured to herself, trying to understand. I almost put my hand on her shoulder, but I jerked it back at the last second, reminding myself that this would unnerve her, reminding _her_ that I wasn't the warm, human Bella anymore.

Like it had so often in the past two weeks, time dragged on slowly. These were bittersweet moments, telling me that though I was with Alice again, things weren't the same. They wouldn't ever be that way again.

-

Alice came to accept me for what I was now, though I could see the hurt in her eyes every time she looked at me. A new whole was forming in my chest—one that was telling me I could never truly be accepted.

It hurt.

One day, as Alice was doing my hair in the large bathroom that was never used, a strange memory came across me, human and clouded.

A weak smile touched my lips, quickly replaced by a neutral mask. I was afraid Alice had seen.

She went on curling my stubborn hair, not seeming like she saw. But this was Alice, and I never could tell. I had learned in the months I was with the Cullens that Alice was a good actress. A very, _very _good actress. This partially scared me.

How much did she know? How much had she seen without _me_ knowing?

I was quite sure she had had several visions in the past week that she had stayed here, but she hadn't told me any of them. She hid them extraordinarily well.

Alice avoided anything _near_ the subject, too. Any time I had come into her room, she would babble on to me about how she planned to go back to her birthplace, and how her anniversary with Jasper was coming up.

She let out a low growl, mumbling something under her breath about my hair not curling. Several empty cans of hairspray sat on the marble countertop, and she placed another down.

"I swear, Bella," she hissed, struggling with my hair, "your hair is the most un-curling I have ever seen. And I've seen a lot."

Alice let go of my hair, relieving it. "I'll come back to it," she assured me, her mouth suddenly full of bobby pins.

She darted around me, opening up the makeup bag. I groaned, a low whimper escaping my quivering lips. "Not the makeup, Alice. I told you—I don't _need_ makeup. I'm fine the way I am."

Alice grinned brightly, and patted me on the head, simply saying, "You'll thank me." I doubted it.

I slumped down on the wooden stool as she bent in front of me. Commanding me to look up, she applied the wet mascara gently to my eyelashes. I hated the way I could feel them clumping together.

Her orders went on for half an hour, until my whole face was covered with unnatural beauty. I had to admit, I did like the way my face seemed to glow. But, Alice had decorated my eyes so that the crimson irises were the highlight of my face.

"Thank you, Alice," I said politely, although inside I was groaning. Did she have to make my eyes look like that? Could it be anymore conspicuous?

"Oh, I'm not done yet." I stayed quiet and obedient as she gave me a hairwash, keeping to myself.

But I couldn't stop myself from remembering the haunting crimson eyes that stared back at me. _My_ eyes.


	8. Thoughts

I stepped into the warm shower, pulling the damp shower curtain closed.

My face became pure again as the hot liquid poured over it, wiping away all the clown makeup Alice had covered me in.

A soft sigh escaped my lips as the steamy water fell in beads onto my marble skin. The heat caused a subtle glow to spread over my skin, seeping into it. My body temperature seemed to rise as the water streamed down my shoulders, cascading to the shower floor where it landed dully.

The most relaxing time of the day for me was when I took a shower. All I could feel was the warm comfort that embraced me, and I longed to embrace it back. Happiness oozed from every pore; I was sure I was exuding joy.

I tried to make my bath quick, and I failed. Miserably.

Carlisle had assured me that I could take all the time I wanted—they had loads of money. I still couldn't help the feeling of greediness that the statement left me with.

Not that it would matter if I took a cold shower, but a hot one reminded me of my human self. If I dare said so, I would venture that it brought out the most of me.

After several minutes of just standing there, enjoying the warmth, I concluded that I had had enough. I really shouldn't be spending my time just frozen in place, not doing a thing. My goal was to get out of there quickly. A yellow washcloth was hanging over the shower nozzle; Esme had most likely placed it there for me. The random act of kindness made me smile as I took it down.

I lathered it in more soap then necessary, and proceeded to scrub every inch of my rock-hard body. I made sure I rubbed off all of the dirt that came with the hunting I had done today.

That was partly my reason of taking a shower. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Alice had gone out, while I assured them that I would be fine staying here alone. Even though my throat burned like crazy.

After they had been gone for about five minutes, I left, going in the opposite way.

I killed seven people today.

My lips quivered as a wave of remorse washed over me. So young and healthy, with promising lives ahead of them—then I had to come and ruin it all.

It was around midnight, and I was dreadfully thirsty, my throat burning with a need so great I couldn't resist it anymore.

It felt so wrong, sneaking back into the house. I imagined myself as a criminal, as a robber. A monster that didn't deserve to exist. After all, I did a wrongful act that deserved a punishment so great it was hard to exceed.

But I couldn't die, which made it even worse.

I really hadn't figured out what I would say to Esme yet. Alice already saw, I guessed, but I knew that she wouldn't tell. She would talk with me about it later. But not in front of her family—she wouldn't disgrace me that much.

Alice knew me well enough to know that I didn't want words of comfort and support. I was eternally thankful for that. I couldn't bother to conjure up the image—Carlisle and Esme watching me with sadness in their _topaz _eyes, not ruby red, like mine.

Of course, Jasper would try to comfort me, but I could just imagine a certain smugness layering his face. He was no longer the weakest in the house, and soon enough, he would be sure of it. My guess was that he already had hypothesized that, and now he would have proof.

But the other part of this warm shower was Alice. She had done nothing wrong—far from it, in fact. But the guilt I felt every time I saw her was so great it had me searching for a merciful breath, like I had been underwater too long as a human, and my lungs were burning, bursting for oxygen.

And I didn't know why.

I shouldn't be having this reaction at all. Why should this disconcert me? Jasper felt my emotions, but like Alice, he knew not to question his curiosity out loud, instead wondering quietly about this strange girl.

Reaching for the shampoo, I let memories wander into my mind, which—since my transformation—had excelled in its storage capacity, leaving an empty space that was free to think of several things at once. This could be a useful trait, I supposed, but it was a curse.

I now understood Edward's aversion to change me.

For one thing, he didn't want me to have to endure the pain of the transformation from a human to a vampire. The memories of it were agonizing just to think of—the one human memory that remained clear and crisp in my brain.

Secondly, the pain of killing someone, which I now knew. No other experience could top it, save for one other, which I firmly refused to think about anymore. _The innocent people I had murdered had had lives_,I kept telling myself, curling my fists into tight balls. In my bloodlusting craze, I had drank their blood, ignoring their merciless screams. They had tried—so hard—to fight against me, and I admired that.

Something in that sparked another thought—something I could relate to.

I had fought against James, too.

Of course, that time Edward had come to my rescue. James didn't have the chance to kill me.

These people didn't have a chance. Not one ounce. They had no hope, and the pitiful thing in this situation was that they kept fighting what they knew was a losing battle.

And I ignored their weakening pleas to stop this. One woman was whispering gently in Spanish, begging me to spare her. She had a family, and her young son was waiting for her to get back to her. He had something to show her that she had ignored when she had left in a hurry.

This woman wanted to say goodbye. I didn't give her that chance. This was truly the definition of a monster. The kind that came in at night to childrens' rooms and gobbled them up, in the storybooks. Except this wasn't fantasy; this was reality.

In my monstrosity, I cracked the poor woman's neck, barring her in a world of eternal silence.

This little boy she talked of didn't have a mother anymore. He was still waiting for her to come home, where she would hug him and apologize for shoving him out of the way.

He wouldn't get to hear that.

I hadn't realized that silent sobs were racking my body until a hoarse cry bubbled up from my chest.

Shaking my head, I cleared the horrid and haunting nightmare that had happened so recently, and focused on finishing my shower.

My pale, white hand shot out, reaching for the shampoo. Giving up, I decided not to try to take a super-fast shower. I opened the lid, and an artificial strawberry scent wafted up from the lid. I scrunched my nose up in distaste.

I snapped the lid shut after squeezing out a handful of my previous favorite scented shampoo. Lathering it into my hair, I took pleasure in the feeling of the water-and-shampoo mixture washing down my body as I tilted my head back.

A small bottle of conditioner sat in the corner of the cramped space I was confined to. A feeling of familiarity crept into me, and I squeezed my eyes shut, wracking my brains for some sort of clue as to why I was remembering _conditioner_. Why was _conditioner_ so important to me? The shampoo certainly wasn't!

My eyes shot open as the imaginary lightbulb flickered on above my head. This was the conditioner I had used all the time back at my house in Phoenix. Renee, in her generosity, had started buying me the brand when I was in eighth grade. To put it simply, I fell in love with it.

I shook my head, trying to shake off the odd thought with it. Why was I remembering conditioner, for Pete's sake?!

For the rest of my shower, I moved incredibly sluggishly. All these different conclusions for the conditioner scenario were dancing around in my mind, all with thousands of facets leading down to other conclusions. If I were human, I would be getting a headache simply thinking about all the complicated mental pictures.

I rolled my eyes, suddenly annoyed at the Cullens. Couldn't they have gotten a different bottle?

I mentally shoved the thought out of my head. This was stupid. I came to the final and ridiculously simple conclusion that I was just subconsciously trying to remember my human life. It was a good enough excuse for now.

Shutting off the water supply, I stepped out onto a dark blue shower mat, the water dripping swiftly onto it. I wrapped myself in a fuzzy white towel that Esme had so graciously put out.

After drying off, I wrapped my hair up in another towel I found nearby, making a mental note to wash it if it was someone else's.

I walked across the hallway into Alice's room. She had insisted I take all my clothes from her wardrobe. In fact, she had bought _another_ entire section in my clothing size.

What I chose to wear was, to be brutally honest, quite childish. I chose a fresh pair of sweats I had nagged her to buy me, if she was going to buy me anything. From the huge walk-in closet, I also chose a t-shirt that had a picture of an old sixties band printed onto it.

Alice would be absolutely furious at my choice. But it made me feel more human—I was "getting ready for bed". I chuckled lightly at the thought as I stepped out of her room and into mine.

Closing the door so as not to be disturbed, I took the towel on my head off, and went to work trying to comb through it. It was extremely inconvenient not to have a hairdryer of my own in this house, but for the few weeks I had been staying here, I had managed to live.

I wringed out my damp hair, ignoring the excess water that splashed onto the thick carpet. After several minutes, I managed to comb through all my hair, ignoring the pulling and tugging—and occasional cursing—that came with it

But I broke the comb after getting frustrated. I would have to apologize to Alice—she would be very displeased and _possibly_ angry.

All other thoughts rushed out of my head when I heard the door slam.

_Crap!_ was my automatic response. How could they be home so early? I darted over to my bed and pulled a random book off the nightstand.

I flipped open to a page and began to read furiously. Panic mushed together all other thoughts in my head, making it virtually impossible to think clearly. Light footsteps began to descend the spiral staircase.

I hadn't planned on them coming home early. I didn't have time to put away my bloody clothes, and that would open the door for a flood of questions and concerns that I did not need. Especially now.

They had never been this quick hunting before. Were they worried about me leaving? That thought stung, like I had been harshly slapped in the face.

My door creaked open, revealing a face I most definitely did _not _expect to see. I froze in shock, my muscles tensing up.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked in utter confusion. Her wind-chime voice tinkled melodically as another question spewed out of her mouth. "What are you doing here?"

Emmett came up behind her, his face an exact replica of hers—more shock and confusion. "Why are you a vampire?" he questioned, his deep voice echoing off the thin walls of the Cullen household.

I tried to speak, but my mouth wouldn't form the words. Their faces retained their emotions as I sat in silence, just as confused as they were.

I didn't need telepathy to know what we were all thinking.

_What are _you_ doing here?_


	9. Revelations

**I feel so bad. This is such an awful chapter. It started out okay, but it went downhill from then. And I'm starting to get writer's block. :( I know what's going to happen**—**I don't know how to get there though.**

**Again, sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, nor do I own any characters included in this story.**

Rosalie had never liked me. Why? I couldn't be entirely sure. She never gave any clue as to what sparked her loathing. All I knew was that she did not care in the slightest for me, and I would say she wouldn't care whether I lived or died.

Her husband on the other hand, was quite enthusiastic about my presence. I wasn't sure if it was because I fell down a lot as a human, or if I had made Edward happy. But what I _did_ know is that he thought of me as a little sister. Emmett was more of a big brother than Jasper; he was always avoiding me, hovering around the house, but never getting too close.

But Emmett liked to get close—if I was a vampire, he would go out of his way to have a fight with me, just to assure everybody, including himself, that he was the strongest vampire in the house.

Not that there was any doubt.

So I wasn't surprised that when Rosalie's initial shock wore off, she scowled at me, her tawny eyes narrowing. A furious hiss escaped her lips, and Emmett wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Rose, it's okay," he murmured, stroking her cheek. "It's just Bella." He chuckled, but he stopped when he saw his attempt to lighten the mood had not worked. Rosalie was still livid with anger.

"Why are _you_ here?" she growled at me, stepping out from under Emmett's touch.

As a human, Rosalie intimidated me. Not only because she was the most gorgeous person on the planet, hands down, but because her presence demanded attention. Her aversion to me had taught me to avoid Rosalie at all costs, only confronting her when necessary.

Was she going to attack me? I didn't think Rosalie was that kind of person, but....

I cleared my throat, a human habit. "I came for a visit," I explained gently, trying to soften her up. Her fury made me cringe back. Rosalie was not a force to be reckoned with. After all, she was so used to getting her way. Who would refuse her?

She flipped her golden hair over her shoulder. "I figured that much out." Her beauty had turned cruel, and her voice turned razor-sharp as it sliced through the air thick with tension.

Emmett's eyes flickered around the room nervously. Usually, he liked fights. But the difference this time was that it was Rosalie fighting.

"Rose," he laughed nervously, trying to make her come back to him. "It's nothing to worry about. I'm sure Bella will be happy to explain why she's here. Just...back off a little. Give her a chance to talk."

I was momentarily grateful for Emmett, glad that he had saved me from what could have been.

Then Rosalie's head whipped around so that she face-to-face with her husband. "But she's not _human!_" she protested, pointing blatantly at me. Emmett's eyes widened, surprised that Rosalie was so furious about such a tiny issue.

Of course, I wasn't telepathic, but Emmett's face was easy to read. Like I had once told Edward, people could read me like an open book. This much was true for Emmett. He didn't try to mask his emotions, they danced across his face, and he didn't care that they were so evident. I didn't even have to try to tell what he was thinking, really.

I only came out of my thoughts when Emmett's eyes reached mine. They were begging me to back him up, so Rose wouldn't kill him.

I greatly appreciated this. I hadn't expected Emmett to stand up for me. Jasper had told me one day they still thought of me as family, but I wasn't used to this level of sibling affection. That he cared so much that he would stick up for me against his wife.

I was momentarily shocked, but the warmth of the gesture caused me to command myself to answer. "Of course," I choked out, my voice thick with emotion. I cleared my throat again, embarrassed to show it in front of Emmett and Rosalie.

Rosalie glanced back balefully at me. "We'll see what you have to say." Her eyes turned to small slits for a split second before she glided out of the room. I could practically see the scowl still placed on her face.

Emmett mouthed, "Sorry," before he, too, left the room. The door silently shut, an occurrence due to the breeze caused by Emmett walking out.

The room was still. I stayed a frozen statue for hours upon hours. The sky behind me lightened further, a soft glow of sunlight seeping through the closed blinds.

Like before, I was trapped in my thoughts. I didn't want to tell Rosalie and Emmett. I didn't want any more sympathy. I didn't want to tell my story again. But the worst thing about that was, I couldn't tell the extremely shortened version I had told Jasper and Alice. Rosalie was Rosalie, and she would demand a better explanation. And I couldn't let Emmett down, just after he had stood up for me. That would be too cruel.

The sun was high up in the bright blue sky when I finally walked over to my bed and plopped down.

This was only one of many amenities that came with being a vampire. I didn't tire standing up; it didn't bother me in the slightest. The ache I would feel in my legs when I would be left standing for an hour wasn't there. It didn't disappear after a while, it just _wasn't there_.

The thought of Rosalie and Emmett walking back into my room chilled me to the core. I was dreading the future, and wished none of this had happened. After all, I would be in this situation if Victoria hadn't shown up.

But I knew it would happen eventually. Like so many other before, it was something that simply could not be avoided.

My throat was beginning to go up in flames again. I tried not to think about it. I didn't like being a monster, and it hurt every time I realized that this was what Edward was trying to tell me. This was the life that he wouldn't have chosen for me, because it brought along so much pain with it. Physical pain, as well as emotional pain.

I attempted to ignore it, to think about other things instead. Like about the new design Esme was planning for the family room. Right now the walls were a mustard-y orange, and it was quite unattractive. Instead, she wanted to coat it with a royal blue, perhaps put in some ivory-colored sofas and chairs. I smiled as I imagined how nice it would look. I was even more excited when she offered to let me help her.

No matter how hard I tried, though, the painful conflagration in my throat just simply would not go away. I entertained myself with other thoughts, but once the topic had come up, it was all I could think of. This fire rose and peaked and peaked and peaked, and the desire in me built up. I could not push the thought away, as it kept getting stronger and stronger. I began to lose all rational thought, and I could feel my self-control slipping.

It was like a very slick, heavy object that you were trying to hold on to, but you were losing your grip, and you couldn't stop it.

Then it dropped through my fingers.

I lost all reasoning then.

The person taking over me then was not Bella. It was the thirsty monster who was locked in a cage inside me. The cage had been rattling violently, and I had been trying to ignore it. But the monster broke out with a snarl.

I punched open the window, desperate to get out. The shattered glass, now on the ground where it had fallen, cracked as I landed on it.

I sprinted off toward the direction I had landed in, too eager to care about being inconspicuous.

A thousand smells washed over me without warning, all mouthwatering. I lunged for the first thing my hands got hold of.

The screaming of the victim I held in my hands didn't register. Just an annoying sound.

I bit into the person's neck violently, too thirsty to resist. The screams grew louder, and pleading dimly reached my ears.

"Please, please! Help! Please!" The cries grew fainter, and cut off with a gurgling noise as the warm, thick blood flowed easily into my mouth. I slurped it in as quick as possible, the thirst driving me mad, and the scent of fresh blood overpowering.

My senses grew clearer, though my thoughts were not nearly as rational.

The fire seared up in my throat when the carcass ran dry. I shoved the body off mine, leaving it in a discarded heap. Pushing myself off the ground, I ran in search of more.

-

A mournful cry tumbled out of my mouth as I stared down at my bloody hands. What had I _done_? I had promised to myself that as a newborn I would not be a monster. I would not rebel against the Cullens' way of life. I would be a good vampire, not one of the true vampires that enjoyed feasting on humans' blood.

I was, anyway. Nothing I could do could stop it.

I felt dirty, all covered in filth—composed of regret and sorrow.

Without a glance behind me, I left the body on the sidewalk. I didn't care if anyone found it. I didn't care if they were appalled—I didn't even care about what the Cullens thought.

A revelation filled my mind. One laced with agony, though it was true.

I wasn't a Cullen.

I never would be.

My whole existence right now was pitiful. _This_ was the reason Edward left me—it wasn't because I bored him or because he couldn't ever truly love me. It was because I would never be a Cullen.

What was I kidding myself? I wasn't a Cullen—I wasn't a vampire, either, when Edward left me. He shouldn't have ever spent any time with me.

After all, the time spent with me made things harder.

Dry sobs built up, until they forced themselves out of my mouth in a heartbreaking sound.

-

I shuffled in the front door this time. I needed to leave as quickly as possible. In fact, I didn't mind if Rosalie or Emmett saw me. This situation couldn't possibly get worse than it already was.

I needed to go somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away where I could lock up my monstrosity. No one would ever get hurt by my hands again.

The now-dry blood that was caked on my hands served as a painful reminder. One I could never forget.

I would make sure of it.

I started ripping the clothes Alice had got me off the hangers once I stepped into my room and made my way to the closet. All the expensive shirts came first. The designer labels were quite unnecessary; I had insisted she bought me at least a few cheap shirts.

Walking over to the elegant white dresser placed on the west side of my room, I ripped open a drawer and grabbed all the jeans in sight.

I moved to the drawer below, pulling out a fancy lingerie collection Alice had purchased. I had begged and pleaded but she vehemently insisted. Though I didn't know why I would need these revealing items.

At the time I had shrugged—I would just run the underwear I had packed from Charlie's house. But if she found I had left them....I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Except now, it really annoyed me. Still, for her sake, I packed them.

I grabbed a sweatshirt I had discarded on my tidy bed and put it on quickly.

My head snapped up as the door creaked open and Rosalie's head popped in. Her brow furrowed, and her lower lip jutted out to form a pout. "Bella," she said, her tone soft for the first time I had seen her after she had left. "What on Earth are you doing?" Her eyes traveled down to the duffel bag overflowing with clothes. "You're not leaving, are you?"

I let out a long sigh. "What does it matter to you?" I grumbled, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Well..." She bit down on her lip, a nervous look replacing confusion. "I...don't want you to leave. You need to explain."

Stunned, I stared at her, utterly perplexed.

"You need to explain," she persisted, her face hardening once again.

...And so I did.

-

Rosalie took it surprisingly well. I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. When I cried, she awkwardly patted my back. _Rosalie_. I was telling the story of my heartbreak to the one person who completely despised me. I thought it quite insane.

"But...why? You _hate_ me," I choked out. I was trying to understand. Why did she suddenly care so much?

She shook her head, a sad smile gracing her features. "You truly don't understand, Bella. I only don't like you because you had something I didn't. Not that you have it know, which is why I don't really hate you," she explained. "Well, not completely," she added, laughing. The sound reminded me of tinkling bells.

I laughed along with her. That was a first. "But," I started, confused again, "what did I have that you didn't?"

The light left her face, leaving it blank and morose again. "You were human, Bella. All I'd ever wanted was to have beautiful babies, a wonderful husband, and live to a ripe old age, where I would sit on the porch with my husband and watch my grandchildren play on the front lawn. You had that potential. _You_ could've made that happen. But it doesn't really matter, anymore."

Everything suddenly made sense. This was all a completely rational explanation. She was jealous of me because I had the one thing she had been so close to, before it was ripped away from her. Suddenly, I felt so bad.

We spent the rest of the day in silence, keeping each other company—an understanding finally in place.


	10. The Plan

As soon as Rosalie walked out of the room, whispering a silent goodbye, the shock set in. Deep.

So deep I barely heard the door close.

I had just had a heart-to-heart conversation with Rosalie. _Rosalie_. The vampire who had loathed me the minute she had met me. The second Edward saved me, practically revealing their existence.

I had thought nothing had changed. It couldn't have.

Despite my head trying to persuade me otherwise, it just did. The seemingly 'impossible' had occurred just moments ago.

Now I could understand her better, and she I. No wonder she had hated me. It wasn't _just—_as I had previously assumed—because I had almost ruined their peaceful life in Forks, but also because I had possessed something she yearned for so badly.

Humanity.

Her life had been stolen away from her, her dream just inches away from coming true.

Now I understood. I had all she ever wanted—the ability to have a normal human life, to have babies, to get old and die with my husband. And I was throwing that all away.

But...maybe she didn't hate me _as much_ because I didn't have that ability anymore. I _couldn't_ have a normal human life. I wasn't even human!

I _couldn't_ have babies. That ability, too, was snatched away from me the moment Victoria bit me, condemning me to a damned life.

I _couldn't_ get old, nor could I die. I was a vampire. My whole existence revolved around stealing others dreams away from them.

Still, that was not all we shared.

Both our loves had broken our hearts.

When Edward had left me, he stole away my life, in a figurative sense. I had no passion to live. In fact, my whole existence was...pointless. There was no meaning behind it.

I had wanted to become a vampire to be with Edward _forever_.

How ironic—I got my wish. Partially, anyway.

A nightmare come true.

Humans are a funny species. Whatever they have, they always want more. I guess I haven't lost my humanity _entirely_ yet.

Rosalie...she was about to be wed, about to become queen. She was on top of the world.

Then it came crashing down on her.

Rosalie and I? _Common traits_? My mind refused to process it. It confused me even more so because it was true. Never in my life had I even hoped to share something with Rosalie. She was the most beautiful creature on Earth. That much was determined. Plus, she had immortality.

It was humorous how we both wanted what the other didn't have. That's how the world worked, I guessed.

Yet here I was, living what I assumed was the impossible. Rosalie and I were on the same page.

I snorted, breaking my train of thought.

I took off my clothes, dirtied with blood, and set them on my bed. My soul was tainted—I had killed innocent people deserving of lives. I felt contaminated, unclean. A feeling I couldn't wash off in the shower.

Even Edward was above me. During his rebellious years, at least he killed criminals. I reached for the nearest human there was.

I grabbed some pajamas out of my duffel bag I had brought with me from Forks and put them on, my thoughts somewhere else.

They were soft and smelled of freesia and fresh rain. The scent sent the venom pooling in my mouth, and I had to stop myself from drooling.

I never realized how mouthwatering I was as a human. How could Edward have resisted? I certainly wouldn't have—I didn't have the restraint, and I didn't strive to not strike, unlike he did. In a way, I would have sucked the life out of myself.

And the rain-scent was from the window that Victoria had smashed. I remembered it was raining that night, the outside world a hazy scene.

Edward. His name made my face crumple.

I should be over him. He broke my now-dead heart. I should hatehim with a burning passion. But I didn't.

I couldn't.

This subconsciously gave me an idea.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a plan was forming. It was growing bigger and bigger.

There was nothing to lose, and nothing to gain. There was no point in not trying.

After all, I had endured all the pain that was possible.

With my mind—and my heart—dead set on this small speck of hope, I continued to stuff my clothes in the overflowing duffel bag that I was packing when Rosalie had walked in.

All I needed was Alice. And she would be home soon enough. Soon enough to tell me my future, since I was dead-set on it. For once, it _was_ written in stone. I _was_ going to make this happen. No one could—or _would—_stop me. I wouldn't let them.

I needed to go get Edward, to understand him. Just seeing him would soothe my aching heart a bit.

My brain was making all kinds of calculations. I would need to know where he was currently residing. I refused to go on a wild goose chase. Besides, Alice was my strongest ally. If she saw me meeting up with him, then surely she could see where he was at, couldn't she?

I would stay for another week at the most. But I couldn't stay much longer than that. The clock was ticking, and each second that passed just made it all the more likely that my plan would fail.

I didn't know what I would do if that happened. Was it possible for a vampire to kill herself? As long as I retained the knowledge that the Cullens had told me—that Edward left because he wanted to protect me, not because he didn't love me—I would be able to live. That much was possible.

But if what they said wasn't true, that it turned out that they were lying for my well-being, I wouldn't know how to go on.

I had never been the suicidal one, but I had nearly reached my breaking point.

All the more reason to hurry. To make sure that my idea would work.

The front door opened, and I heard Alice's footsteps sprint up the winding staircase. Right on cue, she burst into my room, her golden eyes sparkling.

"Bella!" she cried, flinging herself at me in a swift movement. I wasn't expecting this loving gesture out of her. Her body racked with dry tears. Was she...crying?

I pulled my face back to inspect her, utterly confused. Sure enough, her face was devastated, and quick gasps went back and forth between her clenched teeth.

I had never seen Alice 'cry'. Now I knew I never wanted to see it again. It was heartbreaking; what could put her in so much pain?

As if she knew what I was thinking, she answered my unspoken question. "You're leaving," she accused, her voice breaking on the last word.

Ah. I nodded in silent confirmation, and she just buried her head in my shirt. Poor Alice. It hurt me to see her this way. I never knew that my decision would affect her so much.

"I'll come back," I tried to assure her, but I couldn't trick her. My future wasn't entirely clear based on Edward's decision. If he rejected me again, I wasn't sure I could bear it.

She knew this. I didn't know why I was trying to convince her otherwise.

"Please don't go, Bella," she begged with me, stepping away, but not far enough to break out of our embrace. "I'll miss you. You just came back; you don't have to leave yet." Her tawny eyes searched mine for some kind of sign that I understood.

I shook my head sadly, disagreeing with her. "Yes, I _do_," I told her remorsefully. "Every second the outcome we both want is becoming more and more unlikely. You have to understand this."

"But you don't have to _yet_!" she wailed softly.

I realized that I hadn't understood the full impact Edward leaving had left on Alice. She was my best friend, and we didn't even get to say goodbye. I remembered how I felt, but for a vampire, the feelings were magnified practically a thousand times.

I had been here a few weeks, but time seemed to move at an unbelievably quick rate. Like the blink of an eye.

Time was a precious thing. We had wasted it, not spending enough time together.

Edward's decision had broken all of us, and things couldn't be reversed.

"I'm not leaving right away." Alice looked so extremely sad; I wanted to take away some of the pain from her if it were possible.

She looked down at the floor. "You're not telling the complete truth, Bella. I'm not stupid." She sounded so hurt, too....

"I'm so sorry. But you have to understand," I urged, "that without him, I can't live, I can't breath. It's like my chest is being constricted. The pain keeps rising and peaking and it won't stop, only building up."

Alice's brow furrowed. "But Bella, you have us. We're you're family," she tried.

"No Alice. I'm not. _You're _a family." I smiled dismally. "You and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, Esme and Carlisle, and...Edward." I had to gather myself before continuing, agony washing over me.

She didn't give me a chance to continue on my sorrowful rant.

"But you _are_," she insisted, snagging the opportunity when I paused. "You're just as much family as the rest of us are. What Edward did was _really_ stupid and idiotic. He basically killed himself when he left. You have no idea."

The room went quiet as Alice and I stared at each other for what seemed to be an infinite amount of time. Red eyes meeting butterscotch ones.

She struggled to collect herself. "Now you go, Bella!" she demanded. "You go and get my brother! Go...and then come back!"

I nodded firmly, glad that she was finally understanding that I needed to do this. But it was a bittersweet feeling, one I hated.

We were both lost in our individual thoughts, not hearing when Esme walked into the room. My head jerked up when I heard her footsteps coming nearer.

"You're leaving?" she murmured, unbelievable hurt appearing in her eyes. One hand was reached out, almost like she was trying to touch me in a comforting gesture. Slowly, she let it fall.

Our eyes met. "I'm sorry Esme." I turned my head to Alice. "I'm sorry, too," I added.

Invisible knives were cutting me all over as their gazes bore into me. I eventually had to turn my head away.

One thing was eternally true.

Goodbyes were always hardest.


	11. From Good to Bad

**This chapter is very angst-y.**

-

A deep sense of regret filled me, knowing I would soon be leaving the Cullens. I considered them my family in every possible way. Well, almost.

Esme had insisted we spend an afternoon together. I was touched, but I didn't know what to do with her. We weren't as close as I would've liked for us to be. In fact, I had no idea what she liked to do.

I approached her at noon, when the sun was high up in the sky and sunbeams danced in through the open windows, casting strips of light on the wooden floor. Dust moats flickered around in the air, floating along in their own small patch of the Sun's warmth. Esme's face was half-illuminated, the other side cast in shadows. She was sitting in an elegant and expensive-looking red leather chair, bent over a drawing.

Hearing my approach, she looked up, and a smile graced her face. "Bella," she greeted me.

I walked over next to her, examining the thick sketchpad she had been drawing in. A blueprint was on the page, almost finished.

This surprised me. "You're interested in architecture?" I inquired, leaning against one arm of the chair.

Her tinkling laugh echoed throughout the hallway we were in. "Yes, I don't believe I told you. I'm working on remodeling a historical monument. It's entrancing." She lifted up the sketchpad for me to inspect the drawing further. "These are the plans for it. It's childish of me, really. All it needs are new furnishings and some more wallpaper, along with fixing some damage caused by weather. And here I go making an intricate design." Esme chuckled softly again, returning the drawing to her lap.

I was fascinated. "No, no," I quickly assured her, a grin spreading across my face. "I think it's beautiful and perfectly necessary."

Her frame shook with more joyful laughter. "Thank you, Bella. You really are a darling."

Seeing Esme happy delighted me. Her smile was beautiful and sent of feeling of peace through me. No wonder all of the other Cullens had fallen in love with the mother-figure of the family—she was enchanting.

In an odd way, Renee and her would get along fine. Although Renee was scatterbrained while Esme was more mature.

She set her sketchpad down on the floor, slipping it underneath the chair. "What would you like to do today?" she asked me. "I'm open to all possibilities."

I bit my lip subtly, hoping she wouldn't see. If she did, however, she did not comment.

In all honesty, I hadn't given much consideration to the activities we could do today. I didn't know Esme's interests, and was a bit shy about giving my own. After Edward had left, I didn't enjoy all the things I used to like. Music and books held no interest to me anymore.

So I would just have to embarrass myself for her sake. "Well," I started slowly, watching her face carefully, "we could draw."

Esme clapped her hands together. "That would be wonderful! I have some paper downstairs."

We started to walk down the spiral staircase at a human pace. "I'm not very good, though," I added, for her benefit.

Esme waved it off.

She skipped the last stair and went over to grab two pieces of paper off the coffee table. A sense of regret filled me. I was going to embarrass myself in front of who I considered to be my second mother.

Esme sensed the change of attitude in me. A slight frown became etched on her face as her brows knitted together. "What's the matter, darling?"

Great. "I...I, uh..." I was lost for words, that was the problem. But it was no use. Her eyes silently urged me on.

I exhaled deeply through my nose. "I am terrible at drawing," I confessed meekly, looking down at the floor which was suddenly very exciting.

A look of consideration crossed Esme's face. "Well, I'm open to anything else you want to do."

Why was I so selfish? And Esme was so selfless! It was killing me! Metaphorically, of course.

I shook my head violently. "No, Esme. We're doing whatever you want to do today. This is not my decision—it's yours."

A halfhearted smile became placed on her face as she handed me a piece of paper and a spare pencil she had found in a mug on the countertop in the kitchen.

Tense, I walked upstairs with her again. Esme opened a large wooden door with intricate carvings. She noticed my preoccupation in it. "You can examine it; I'll just step inside."

I nodded, only half-hearing her, seeing as I was entranced in this mahogany door. Leaves danced up and down the border. Inside, there was a cross with Jesus Christ on it. This must be Carlisle's study.

I spared one last glance at the masterpiece as I stepped inside. Carlisle was at his desk; if I could still blush, I would've. Now Carlisle would witness my terrible artistic skills as well.

Esme sat in a beige loveseat that leaned against her husband's desk. I took a seat and immediately fell in love with it when I sank deep into the cushions.

I quickly remembered I had company; I greeted Carlisle stiffly. "Hello."

A smile full of warmth was returned to me. "Good afternoon, Bella." He nodded his head at me before turning back to a thick book placed before him on his desk.

Esme spoke up. "So what would you like to draw, sweetheart?" Her pencil was hovering an inch above her paper that was supported by a large textbook, ready to start at a moment's notice. I realized there was another book ready for me to place my paper on. I stationed it in my lap.

A thoughtful look passed across my face. I wanted to start out with something dreadfully easy.

An idea came to me then. I had been so caught up with the Cullens that the days that passed had meant nothing. Snow had made itself comfortable outside, blanketing every surface available in a white powder.

Christmas must be coming soon. How could I have forgotten?

Esme followed my gaze outside, observing the snow through a large window behind Carlisle.

"We could draw something Christmas-y," I offered lamely. I would probably end up making a Christmas tree that a six-year-old would scoff at.

Esme beamed at my idea. "Perfect," she commented, bending over to start.

Letting out a sigh so low that she nor Carlisle could her, I started on my drawing too. A Christmas tree started to form as my stubby pencil proceeded to outline the basic shape. I would add more detail later.

A simple pine tree was on my sheet in no time, decorated with small orbs that resembled holiday ornaments. A star was placed on top, where I shaded the surrounding area to let it appear that it was shining.

I was having a remarkably enjoyable time even though I had no talent at all. Light flakes of snow had started to fall outside. It created an aura of magic.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Esme's drawing. My jaw dropped open.

Her drawing was the same design as mine, only much, much better.

I bent back over my drawing, lacing tinsel on my tree. With a quick movement of my pencil, presents were suddenly under it as well. I cast a big shadow underneath my tree, for effect.

But it still needed something more. I shaded the surrounding area, and in the bottom corner, I signed my name in bold letters.

_**Bella Swan**_

I leaned back, looking pleased at my work. Sure, it wasn't nearly as good as Esme's, but it was pretty darn good in my standards. Maybe the best I had ever drawn.

Esme glanced over at my picture, and her face radiated happiness from every pore at my drawing.

A slight frown caught on her face, though.

"What?" I asked, anxious. I scanned my drawing for anything that might make her upset. I wanted to see the joy on her face again. After I had joined up with the Cullens, I loved doing anything I could to make people happy.

"You put Bella Swan."

"And?" What was the matter with it? That was my name. Or were artists supposed to sign with their full name?

Should I have put _Isabella_ Swan? Or Bella _Marie_ Swan? Or _Isa_bella Marie Swan? The possibilities were endless.

Her next words stopped me cold. "Shouldn't you put Bella _Cullen_?"

In one fluid action, I was on my feet, an icy expression on my face. My eyes hardened over. I wasn't one of them. Some faint part of me wanted to be so bad, but I refused that little voice. I was _not_ a Cullen.

"No," I said, a little more harshly then I intended. She flinched ever so slightly. "I'm not Bella Cullen. I'm Bella Swan."

"But darling—" Her butterscotch eyes pleaded with me.

I cut her off, refusing to be deterred. "No."

So much for making her happy. A heartbreaking expression replaced the previous. I'm sure if she could, tears would've welled up in her eyes.

I sat back down, emotionally weak.

"I'm sorry, Esme." I truly was. I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. But her words—they brought back unpleasant memories.

And one again, they swooshed back into my head. I tried to block them out, but didn't manage to succeed.

Edward's voice came along with the memories.

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me."_

My heart cracked, a slight fissure breaking down the middle.

"_You're not good for me, Bella."_

More pain. The hole became bigger.

"_I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me..."_

My dead heart burst open, transforming into a black hole. Pulling every atom of my existence into it. Tearing my apart bit by bit.

"_...It will be as if I'd never existed."_

A wail passed through my lips, agonized. Both Esme and Carlisle's heads jerked up at the sound. Their confusion mirrored each other's.

No. _No_.

They couldn't see me like this. I didn't _want_ them to see how much pain I was in. In fact, I vehemently refused to.

I had to leave—I had to get out.

Screw the clothes, screw all the preparation I had taken—I had to leave _now_.

I breezed out of Carlisle's study, leaving the drawing on the loveseat. Maybe Esme would keep it. Hopefully she would. But I didn't really care either way.

Esme's called after me. I ignored her.

Carlisle called after me. I ignored him.

I needed to find Edward. The hole in the center of me was causing my frame to suffer violent spasms, my tortured soul screaming for an escape.

He was the only escape that would soothe my battered heart. I urged myself to go faster, pushing myself to the limit.

Without a thought, I slid down the rail of the staircase, past a surprised Alice.

"Bella!" Her voice sounded far-off and distant. Was it because—mentally—I was somewhere else? Or because I had already burst out the door by the time she spoke and her figure was becoming smaller and smaller until it was just a tiny black dot in the house that disappeared completely?

Either way, I knew one thing was certain.

I needed to get out of this place.

-

**Thank you for reading!**

**And please review if you liked it.**


	12. Stars

As I ran with the cold wind whipping against my already-frozen cheeks, I had a chance to contemplate things. And as I thought, a deep sense of regret sank into me, thick and heavy. An unknown emotion slithered up my throat, creating an uncomfortable feeling. It refused to go away, and I became light-headed, in a sense.

The sensation made me want to gag, anything to make it go away. Instead of pondering some more, I let the animalistic instincts take over me, but not so completely that I lost total control if a human would come walking along the snowy forest path. I refused to dwell on that thought, as I was already getting lost in my fantasies of warm blood trickling down my itching throat....

I pushed it to the back of my mind, and my muscles trembled as I fought back the urge to hunt. It had been so long—foolishly, I had been trying to think of ways to prolong the craving. Stupid, as I was a newborn. I couldn't go for more than a day. Yet, somehow, I had managed to make it to four. And as a result, my throat was literally on fire, making it impossible to concentrate in most situations.

As I sped up, a sturdy tree came into view. In one fluid movement, I lunged for it. It shook at the impact, but thankfully did not fall. I climbed up it in fast and graceful movements. Thin branches sprouted out from it in every which way, and hardly any would sustain my weight. I scanned the darkness looking for one that would. There were some, but I wanted my perch to be one that was out farther than the rest.

After several seconds, I found one I had looked over many times before. It wasn't as far out as I would have liked, but it was the farthest one there was. That would have to suffice for me. Nobody could be perfect—especially me.

I scrambled onto the tip, and it shuddered at the effort. The bark was hard and rough under my fingertips, which were a milky white from the full moon that shone tonight. They left little brown crumbs which were hard to shake off.

The sky was clear tonight, and my new eyesight picked up every little detail. The way the moonlight cast shadows on the already dark forest, but illuminated a few pine needles, as well as each individual snowflake, which were now blurred together on the ground. Sparkles danced off them, creating a dazzling effect that mesmerized me. They were the most beautiful thing in the world.

Nature was always beautiful. Whether it was animals, or if it were stars or the moon. Or even the trees, like the one I was sitting on now. It was _beautiful_.

I stared up at the cosmic object that was casting moonlight down on my face, recognizing the face of the man in the moon. He stared at me, silently urging me to do something. I couldn't place my finger on it, but there was a sense of self-fulfillment there. It was something that must be done.

And as I stared at him, a familiar warmth seeped into my bones. A glorious tingling sensation, recognizable from somewhere. A smile became etched onto my face. It was only then that I realized what it was. So long ago, it seemed. The emotion was almost forbidden in a way, but the sensation was amazing. It was the feeling of love.

I had no idea where it came from, as all I was looking at was the moon. Was it really the celestial _rock_ that I was absent-mindedly gazing at? Maybe it was old memories, forgotten and packed away into the dusty corners of my mind, tucked away with the cobwebs. Tonight it resurfaced.

As a child, I used to play a game. One I called 'the star game'. It was so much fun, and sometimes I would even play it with Jacob Black, an old childhood friend who lived down in La Push. Other times I would play it by myself.

Sometimes when I would stay at Charlie's for the summer, we would go on camping trips, the four of us—Jacob and Billy Black, Charlie, and myself. Rachel and Rebecca didn't even bother coming. It was dreadful, that's why.

I was never a hiker; I had to push myself through ferns and rest on granite rocks every hour or so. I would always get dirty; my hair always ended up hanging down in my eyes a tangled mess. Worst of all, it was a weekend isolated with males. _Testosterone-driven males_.

The thing that made it all worthwhile, though, was a lovely place far up in La Push. Hidden in the forest, it was dotted with wildflowers and my sleeping bag was always cushioned with long blades of grass that grew together in clumps. It was much like the Meadow, except for the fact it was smaller and you could barely see through the long branches of trees, covered with leaves, that hung out way over the clearing, practically touching in the middle.

Magical and entrancing, it was a place I loved to go, despite the work it took getting there. In the middle of the touching tree branches, there was one small opening that showed the night sky, with billions of twinkling stars hanging from imaginary strings visible.

We had a hassle of getting the tents set up—at least I did. We each had a separate tent; Charlie or Billy always had to set mine up for me, seeing as I was incapable of doing it myself. Jacob always laughed.

But when Charlie and Billy _both_ fell asleep, the star game would begin. The rumbling snores emanating from their tents was our signal to proceed. The game was invented farther back than I could remember, but ever since it was, Jacob and I had been playing it.

We liked to imagine that the infinite amount of stars in the dark night sky represented a life of each person on the planet. Apparently, it was our job to point out the ones that belonged to us and our family and friends. We would each take turns, but we had to save ourselves for last. And of course, we had to pick the biggest and brightest stars _only_. No others would suffice.

Jacob always whined that he wanted to go first. Naturally, he did every time.

"_Bella, please! You know I do it every year—it's a tradition. You have to stick to traditions!" he complained. For the second night in a row, he demanded he go first.I had had enough though. Traditions or not, it was _my _turn. And Jacob Black was not getting his way this year._

_I shook my head, ignoring the pout that appeared on his face. "It's my turn Jake. You know that, and so do I. It was _your _turn last night, but tonight it's mine. Besides, ladies first." I smirked at him, and as I result I got a baleful glare. A sneer replaced the jutted-out lower lip._

_He didn't waver from his decision in the slightest. Flopping on his back, he started the game without my permission. I let out an enraged cry, and we both looked back in alarm at Charlie and Billy to see if they had woken up. Nope. Snoring loudly and out like a light. Smirking at me, Jacob pointed up to the North Star._

_Quietly, he whispered, "Bella." All my fury at this obnoxious boy disappeared with a _poof_!_ _My eyes filled up with happy tears, and I choked out a thank you. A cocky grin spread across his face, obviously pleased with the reaction he had jolted out of me._

_But it was my turn. Nothing could top the North Star unless I cheated. Yet he had cheated by starting the game before I was ready—that had to count for something, right? I scanned the dark sky, looking for the Big Dipper. Jacob couldn't top this._

_I raised my arm up in the cool night air and let my index finger point right above me. His jaw dropped as I said in a hushed tone, "Jacob." His thick brown eyebrows knitted together in frustration. _

"_No fair," he muttered. Then his face smoothed out, and he cast a sly smile at me. I gulped; what was he up to?_

_His body shook with laughter as he took in my expression. "Don't worry, Bells," he chuckled, using Charlie's tacky nickname for me; I scowled. "I can't top the Big Dipper. I'm just doin' Charlie now." My eyes traveled to a bright star in the corner of the gap between the branches that Jacob's finger was leading to. Yes, that would fit Charlie._

"_Billy," I said, pointing to the first star I laid my eyes on. Jacob's father was kind, and he was a good friend to Charlie. I had to owe him something!_

_The game continued for the rest of the night, until we ran out stars we could see, and drifted off into sleep. He went first, and I had a chance to look back up at the stars, which were soothing night-lights. "Jacob," I murmured to the Big Dipper, as my eyelids drooped and a thick fog settled over me._

This time it was different. No more childhood games; I wasn't a kid any longer. I was something strong and deadly. The innocence my being had once held was gone, and it wasn't coming back. Yet that didn't mean I couldn't still play one of the best-loved games that I could remember from my youth.

Still, it felt foreign and distant from me, as if I was detached from the world. So long ago it had been...It was almost as if it was a dream, something pleasant but short-lived. Part of me was hesitating, but my childish side won out. With a quivering finger I pointed up to the midnight sky, glistening with stars.

There was something different about it this time as my eyes searched the heavens. Not like the numerous times I had done it when I was a mere child. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I was subconsciously aware that this wasn't a game that I could repeat over and over again with Jacob. It was something that I was doing all alone now. To add to this, I had more people I could point out.

My gaze rested on the North Star. "Jacob," I whispered simply. The memory made a grimace appear on my face. It was an activity I would never be able to do again with him. He wasn't necessarily a friend, and yet I found myself caring about him. Not anything like...Edward, but we had a strong bond only true_ friends _could hold. It was bittersweet. So I guess we were in a way.

I could practically see his body shaking with childish giggles at my antics. Somehow that image made it hurt even worse.

I shook my head, attempting to clear it. So desperately did I need someone to hold me in their arms. I had been through so much it was ludicrous. I longed to feel my love's cold arms wrap around me in a strong embrace, humming a lullaby and telling me it was alright. It wasn't something I could live with any longer.

I still had to finish my game, though. It was not something that could be carelessly discarded, such as a book. Not something that you could say, "Oh, I'll finish later. Let's see...I'm on page fifty-one." No. In a way, it was impossible. Ridiculous at the concept.

"Renée...and Charlie." They were two bright stars in the blanket some called night, jewels twinkling in the darkness of underground mines. The names didn't fit together, and yet they still did, too. The only reason my parents had separated was because they had married too young; they had been foolish. I could see why—I had been through the same thing. And then they go and break your heart.

Then there was someone who had made my mother truly happy—Phil. I was eternally grateful to him for soothing the heartache that Renée had suffered. He was responsible; now there was someone to look after her when I wasn't. In a sense, he was now her guardian angel.

Next there was Jess. She was my first friend in Forks. Maybe she wasn't the nicest, maybe she wasn't the most compassionate, but she was there for me when I needed her for the most part. Some people like her were just so "fortunate" to be filled with vanity. Jessica Stanley was my friend nonetheless.

Mike—oh, Mike Newton. The lad in search of my heart since the day we met. He was sweet, and a bit cute. He was made for Jessica, though. It seemed they were a nice pair—the jock and the beauty queen. They would definitely work. Besides, all hope of his pursuit after me had gone down the drain. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to be around him if I were somehow still in rainy, old Forks.

Now Angela was a true friend. True friends rarely come into your life, but when they do, they're a miracle. She was a good listener, too. I just hoped she found happiness with Ben—he seemed to make her so joyous, as she did him. It was evident they would continue to date. Possibly even marry. Their children would be beautiful.

The part of me that I had been holding back was unhappy with me now. There were a few "people" I had missed, the most important ones in my life. The pain that came with it was the only thing that was keeping me from uttering their names to the stars.

_The Cullens,_ they seemed to say. And then I couldn't resist that part anymore; it was a flood of sweet memories that were eternal and seemingly everything I'd ever wanted—or needed.

Alice Cullen was a beautiful, bright-spirited vampire. Practically nothing could crush her optimistic thoughts. It wasn't only _that_ thought. It was more. She seemed to be one of the only ones I could trust. She was my best friend; when she had left along with the...rest, she had crushed me even further. I had expected her to be there for me, quite literally, forever. But she had gone, like the rest of my lovely vampire family. Though I couldn't find it in me to put the blame on her. After all, it wasn't her fault. She was just cooperating with her favorite brother.

Emmett was a rambunctious big brother to me, one that liked a little tussle. He was the humorous one in the family, and it hurt me when he left as well. He was the best big brother that I could ever have had. Being an only child, the culture I had been introduced to in Forks was a surprising and favorable. The joy was quick—less than a year—but his welcoming arms were more than enough to fill up the empty space and the sense of belonging I had been lacking in life.

Esme was truly a maternal figure to me. Renée had always been scatter-brained, so when I had come to know the delightful Mrs. Cullen, it was like she was the mother I was supposed to have. Surely I loved Renée, but she never did have the responsibility in a mother that a child like me needed growing up. This made me mature quicker than others my age, but there were no regrets in this.

The Cullens seemed to think of Carlisle as their father; in a way, he was, even for Alice and Jasper. He was the leader of their coven, and more than willingly let me in. It created a special feeling in me whenever I was around him, knowing I was in the room with a vampire that was over three hundred years old. And I owed him. If it weren't for him, I would have never gotten to meet Edward.

Rosalie was a creature of beauty whose prominent physical title only ran skin-deep. She had hated me, I knew that for a fact. When I had heard her story, though, it was no wonder she had crafted herself like that, feeding off the compliments her stunning figure fished for her so that she could deal with her inside emotions as well. The hurt. The anger. The bitter sense of betrayal.

Jasper was a unique being. Mysterious and pensive, he kept all his emotions hidden behind his frightening appearance that vampires saw him as. And he kept others emotions on the outside, making us unable to hide our feelings from him. But if you got the time to know him, to look past the malicious bloodlust that controlled him, you could see a gentle creature, one whose life had been ruined and yet he still pushes on.

Edward. What more was there to say, really? He was the love of my life. He left me, apparently because he thought it was...unhealthy for me to be around him. I only wished that somehow I could win him back. If only I knew where he was residing at....

The shrill ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. Alice had graciously bought it for me as an "early Christmas present", as she liked to call it. With a swift, fluid movement, I pulled it out of my pocket and flipped it open to answer it.

"Bella!" Alice's anxious voice came from the speaker loud and clear. "Bella!" she repeated, demanding my attention. I felt a twinge of guilt as I realized that she might want me to come back due to my unforgivable behavior back at the house where I assumed she was presently at. Probably sitting on Jasper's lap.

I shook my head. "Yes, Alice?"

Her voice increased an octave. "Bella, I just saw Edward." The mere mention of his name sent a ripple of surprise down my spine. I hadn't really been referring to him by his name around the Cullens, rather talking about my love with the name _him_. They all knew what I meant. But this?

"Alice!" My voice came faster now, breathless. Did she now know the secret location of Edward? Now I could find him! Clear things up....

"Bella, I know where Edward is," she said in a tone that matched mine, confirming my suspicions. My eyes lit up at this knowledge. Edward's strong arms wrapping around my waist, kissing me with a tender reverence. The impossibility of the situation I was in left me incredulous—how could I have possibly survived for this long without him?

The voice on the other line continued without breaking. It was only me who had stopped to think in the millisecond I was allowed to. "He should be in Texas by the day after tomorrow. A little gas station in Houston. Bella—"

Texas. Texas! The voice ranting on the other line stopped suddenly with a crackling sound as the phone in my hands became decorated with little fissures a moment before it snapped. The remaining pieces dropped to the ground, littering the snow.

Without further ado, I leaped off the branch I had been sitting on, landing in the soft blanket of white on the ground with a silent thud. Not thinking, I raced toward Texas, hoping to leave all the bitter memories my soul contained back in Ithaca.

* * *

A/N: I am so sorry; I am such a procrastinator. I grovel at your feet in mercy. Once again, I apologize that this chapter took so long—hopefully the quality makes up for it.

Reviews make me _verrrrrry_ happy.... *hint hint*


	13. Surprises

**A/N: I have an explanation this time! I had Midterms **— **six! Health, Honors Science (which I think I failed), Math, Honors English, History, and French. But they're done now. I'm sorry it took so long.**

**Perhaps you are speculating as to if this story is going to continue. Yes, yes it is. I thought of telling you, but I didn't want to post another chapter just as an Author's Note.**

**Enjoy!**

-

Texas. Texas. Texas. Somehow, overnight, that had become my mantra: Texas. It eased the tension in my body and helped to relax my rigid muscles a bit. But to be frank, it wasn't doing anything else then that. The overwhelming anxiety I held in, like a waterlogged tree, stayed the same, if not increased. It was only the exterior that relaxed; inside, my emotions were beginning to get out of control.

As a human, I had had no sense of direction at all. Zip. Nada. Nothing. If someone were to hand me a compass, then _maybe_ I could figure things out, untangle the wild sense of loss in my head that was produced by not having the slightest idea of which way to go. And it was not guaranteed at all; the needle could be pointing South and somehow I could mistake it for North. It was pathetic, really. After all my camping trips with Charlie and Billy and Jacob, I should be able to read a stupid compass!

So then how in the world — no, the _Universe_ — did I know where I was going? How was I not guaranteed that I was already lost? If I couldn't tell which way was which, then why was I out here doing this?

The answer my mind had conjured up was utterly ridiculous, unbelievable, not plausible at all. But it was good enough for me. After all, why would I be out here doing this if I knew the attempt was ridiculous and hopeless?

It was Edward.

He was the only reason I was doing it. He was in Texas. He was the one I had been looking for ever since I was changed and had built up my courage. With him, I felt like I could accomplish anything at all. Just to sense his presence would boost my confidence and make me unstoppable. At least, to me, it seemed that way.

So, with that being said, and with his face constantly appearing in my head and refusing to go away for hours at a time (not that I objected), I dug my feet into the ground, urging myself to go faster. Yet, with only the wind whistling in my ears at the rush of speed as company, many fears bubbled up as day turned to night. What if I was too late? What if the Cullens were lying; Edward really did leave because he thought I wasn't good enough for him?

Eventually the sky turned to a pearly white, and I was left to myself.

As much as I regretted it, I had to quench my thirst somewhere along the way. If only I could control it — I hated the feeling of craziness I got. I depended on blood to survive, but I detested it. I was like a parasite. I couldn't survive on my own. I needed someone else to live, and it felt _wrong_. But, like a parasite, I had no choice; I never had. The minute Victoria bit me I was condemned to a live that consisted of taking someone else's.

Once the craving was under control enough for me to be in public, I ventured to a run-down but seemingly occupied general store. I suppressed the urge to shudder as the men there looked me up and down, ignoring my tattered clothing. People made a wide berth for me as I sauntered to the cash register.

A sweet-looking girl looked up from a teen gossip magazine. Her skin was sun-kissed, contrasting nicely with her pure blonde hair that had been pulled sloppily back into a side ponytail. Blue eyes peered up at me from behind thick black eyelashes as I walked a little noisier towards her. My predatory silence would seem a prove to be a little unnerving. I hadn't had much practice at acting human since my change.

"Hello, how can I help you today?" she recited in a perky, forced tone. A fake smile was immediately plastered onto her face, but anyone could see the sparkle of jealousy in her eyes. She unconsciously crossed her arms across her chest. From these simple signs, a whole story unraveled before my eyes.

She was obviously pretty for a human, very much so. By walking in here, every male's attention was drawn off her and onto me. In simple terms, I was a rival, an enemy, and she wished for me to leave. _Immediately_.

I wasn't quite sure how to answer at that moment as the already painful burn in my throat flared up. There was an embarrassing moment when I had to swallow noisily. All of the people in the crowded store were silent as they watched us. It was unnerving.

"Oh, yes," I murmured, running a hand absentmindedly through my hair. "I was wondering if there was a pay phone in here?" Her facial features softened a tad. I wonder what I said that caused her to have that reaction? I'm sure..._he_ would find her mind quite intriguing. Or maybe it was just like every other teenage girl's.

She made a little movement of her head, motioning to her left, my right. With a thick, Southern accent, she said, "It's over there. Take as long as you want." Without waiting for me to say 'thank you', she turned back to her magazine, looking extremely bored.

Honestly, I wished everyone would stop looking at me like I was a person from another planet. I scuttled over there as clumsily as I could — still graceful in any human's book — and inserted seventy-five cents, before dialing Alice's cell phone number. From my short stay at the Cullen residence, I had memorized it. As for where I got the money, she graciously gave it to me. And by that I meant she forced into my unwilling hands.

She picked up on the first ring. "Hello?" she asked nicely. In the background, I could hear Jasper ask, "Who is it?" I could almost imagine her shushing him. A second later, she did. I cringed when I thought of how she would respond when she heard my voice. Would she be elated or shouting at me?

"Alice," I breathed, "it's Bella. I'm in Texas. Where do I go now?" I supposed it was a little rushed and all, but I really, desperately needed the information about her brother.

There was silence.

"Bella Marie Swan! Don't do that to me again! Do you have _any_ freakin' idea how _angry_ I was? How worried?" I shrunk under the fury that now radiated off of her in waves. Heck, I was states away from her and even I could feel it. Poor Jasper. I knew that if I was within range of her right now, she would have beat me up. The speakers on the cheap phone I held now crackled. But I was confused as well.

"Angry, I can understand. But _worried_?" I had picked the word out of her rant in surprise. "Alice," I started, barely concealing the laughter that was threatening to erupt despite the serious situation, "I can take care of myself." Glancing around quickly to see that nobody was listening in, I added, "I'm a _vampire_. I can't get hurt anymore."

Thankfully for me, everyone within hearing range was occupied elsewhere. The girl at the cash register — _Amanda_, her cheap name tag had read — was flirting with a young man, giggling overenthusiastically. Two women nearest to me paid me no attention, gossiping madly.

"Did you hear what happened to Molly?" one asked, her eyes alight with excitement that was barely contained. She was short and plump with a mass of curly brown hair atop her head. To my disgust, her face was over-powdered with bright pink blush. Her eyelashes were clumped with an excessive amount of mascara and as she blinked, blue eyeshadow came into view. Topping everything off — like a cherry on top of an ice cream sundae — her lips were _coated_ in scarlet-colored lipstick. It was beyond me how anyone could wear that much makeup and be unaware of their clown-like appearance.

Her friend, however, was her polar opposite. She was thin and tall, with platinum hair, and barely had any makeup on. The woman gasped dramatically and put her hand on her chest. "No! Whatever is it?" Her face now mirrored her fellow gossip's: her eyes widened, a smile spread across her face, and she leaning eagerly towards her. I didn't bother to pay attention to the rest of the conversation — I hated rumors and gossip.

"Oh yes you can!" Alice contradicted, bringing me back to the matter at hand. The scene I envisioned in my head of her was amusing to say the least. Knowing her, she would be destroying half of her house. Hopefully Jasper was sending waves of calm towards her. "Bella, you hung up on me! The idea of you being a...a _vampire_ is not reassuring in the least bit. Why, if you fell now, you would just cause more damage. Hurricane Bella — that's what you are! A _hurricane_! Category five! No, six! Oh, screw it all! You're off the charts! Earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes! You're a disaster!!!"

Hurricane Bella? That was an interesting analogy. But, I supposed... "Alice, I'm not a hurricane. If anyone's a natural disaster right this moment, it's you. No offense, but you're a volcano. Krakatau, to be precise." A growl came from the other line in response to my comment.

"You know, let's stop referring to other as catastrophes and instead let me continue to yell at you." Her tone was so sophisticated and calm it probably scared me even more than if she was shrieking at me. I never knew — nor do I think I ever — that Alice had such a temper, or that she held extreme grudges.

I traced my tongue over my teeth. "Hmmm, let's _not_. I would rather have you cut to the chase and be done with all the anger, to be quite honest. Therefore, how about we do that instead?" My voice was innocent enough. While waiting for her to answer, I leaned against the grimy wood wall, scrunching my nose up when I saw huge spider webs behind the phone box.

A hiss escaped between her lips, but she seemed to be calming down. Sharp sounds came from her side of the line. It took me a moment to realize that her fingers were drumming on some sort of hard surface — probably a coffee table, or the countertop in the kitchen the Cullens never used."I swear to God, Bella, once you come back" — who said I was coming back? — "you are _sooo_ dead. Until then, though, I'll play nice. Now, where did we leave off?"

I was ecstatic, and for a moment I couldn't get the words that were stuck in my throat out. Luckily, I soon recovered and regained my use of speech. "Thanks, Alice," I heard slip out of my mouth. I felt a pang of guilt. She was being so nice to me and meanwhile I was being a gigantic prat. I was eighteen, of legal age — I should know better by now, not allow my temper to get out of control.

Alice exhaled loudly in annoyance. "Yes?" I muttered, confused as to why she wasn't saying, "It's okay." Isn't that what people are supposed to do when they receive a 'thank you'? Oh, dear, what if she was still mad? Shame washed over me — why did I leave the forest in the first place? Me and my stupid split-second decisions.

"Bella, I asked you a question. _Where did we leave off_?" So this is why no one wanted to make Alice angry. It was awful.

Oh, right. Sweet relief swept over me and coursed through my veins. It was like when I was human and the pressure of a situation was lifted, and I could breathe again. I barely had to sift through my memories until the answer rose to the surface. "Something about a little gas station in Texas. Houston, was it?"

"Houston...Houston...." Alice breathed. My mouth opened to talk. As if right on cue, she interrupted: "No, no, I'm thinking. Don't interrupt!" Her voice was snappish, and her tone decreased in sound towards the end of the sentence. I could practically see her face become serious, entering deep in thought. Finally she spoke, "Yeah, that was it."

I bit down on my lower lip. All this tension wearied me. Not that I was tired, rather, I was mentally exhausted. "So? What's the deal?"

"It's become clearer over the past few hours. Now before I say anything about the current situation — shush, don't interrupt me! — we have to start from the beginning.

"As soon as you stopped talking, and I hear a crunching sound — which was a really big hint, Bella, about the phone and all — I got worried and me and Jazz came out looking for you. We started out in the forest, because that's where you ran, and didn't find anyone, but we _did_ find footprints. Kind of odd, actually, as they led up to a tree, then stopped, continuing a few feet away.

"We looked for you, followed the fresher indents in the snow, but when it continued and we were still following for an hour, we gave up and went back to the house. The story was easy enough to figure out. Honestly, Bella," she said, sounded exasperated, "if you _wanted_ to cover up your tracks, maybe you should get your human friends to help you. I'm sure Mike would do a great job," she added dryly.

"But...you...I...." I spluttered. Was I really that obvious? I almost felt..._disappointed_. Surely I had better skills than that? I couldn't really be _that_ track-able. I groaned, annoyed.

Alice chuckled at my reaction. It was light but wary, as if I was so fragile I would break if she took it too seriously. "Yes, I know. So where are you right now?"

My head whipped around. Where was I? That was a good question. I craned my neck to see a sign that read: _Ames General Store: The Good Ol' Texan Kind!_ So I was in Texas already! Guess I could run pretty darn fast. That helped raise my spirits.

"I'm in Ames, Texas, Alice. Is that close to Houston?" My excitement was now barely containable. Correction: it wasn't. I let out a tiny, delighted squeal.

Alice gasped. "Yes, yes, _very_! Hurry, Bella!" The line went dead. I placed the telephone back sloppily and hurried out of the store, where, once out of sight, broke into a dead sprint. I knew that everybody's eyes had been on my at my rushed exit, but I didn't care.

I didn't stop running all day. Like the day before, the sun faded into the sky, bringing out darkness.

A small unstable sign came into view, teetering on its foundation; I doubted that a gust of wind would be needed to knock it over, rather, a faint trace of a breeze. Nothing more, perhaps less. Its once vibrant neon lights flickered on and off unenthusiastically with a static-y, buzzing sound. Flying insects were drawn to the light; it illuminated massive spider webs as the arachnids waited, tense, in the shadows.

I breezed past it without a second thought. The only thing that mattered was that it wasn't the tiny gas station Alice had described. It was a motel, _not_ a gas station. Besides, I didn't need to sleep anymore, so what use was it to me, really?

A few miles along, then, I saw a faded sign. _Sunoco_. A GAS STATION! A GAS STATION! There used to be a small one in Forks. I hadn't realized I missed the simple things such as seeing the italicized company name and the blue, yellow, and red streaks.

As I got closer, I saw the windows were smashed open. It no longer looked like the nice, prim little gas station. One car was in a back parking lot, and a sense of dread filled me at the complete lack of noise. Then the scent hit me with the force of a wrecking ball, blocking and obscuring my rational thoughts.

I barely noticed the flash of bronze the came rushing out of nowhere, leaping through a window. Glass flew everywhere, ever into my hair. A small part of my brain _was_ registering what was going on, but the bigger and stronger part ignored it, focused only on the perfume. This being said, my actions were unjustified, but not my own.

I followed, the monster's anticipation mounting.

The inside was awful. Shelves were knocked over, glass was everywhere, and the scent of blood was thick and fresh. I was lead to something horrifyingly glorious: An old man was broken and crumpled, his neck at an odd angle, with blood staining his green shirt, now turned brown when combined with the crimson elixir that flowed out of him freely. The drink someone else was taking.

The vampire glared up at the sound of my approach, and she nearly dropped her prey at the sight of me. Which she did. The man thudded on the ground, his eyes glazed, lifeless and unseeing. Now that I inspected him closer, he seemed to be in his mid-fifties, early sixties. How did a vampire not feel remorse after killing someone so innocent?

It was Victoria.

Her eyes were a startling red, probably like my own (how did the people in the store not notice?) and blood dribbled down her chin. Her flaming orange hair was now even more pronounced with my vampire eyesight, and memories of my last night as a human came back to me with startling speed. I would hate her forever for that; I would never forgive her for making my life miserable.

A growl came from behind me, and I whirled around, still too shocked to react properly.

The bronze blur I had seen earlier turned out to be Edward. And he was standing right behind me.

-

**Oh, I am so evil for leaving it at a cliffhanger! I'll try to make the next chapter quicker, but no promises. I still have **_**Red Satin**_** and **_**Trading Day for Night**_**. I hope you liked it. As you probably know, it took me FOREVER!!!!!**

**R E V I E W ! ! !**


	14. Confrontations

**A/N: Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry**....Well, you get the point.

To say these last few months haven't been busy has been an understatement. Besides being lazy, for some reason or another, I'm not doing so well in my classes, I've had a research paper due with a minimum of six pages on Rohypnol (roofies), and along with that (starting in February) I've done:

-200 notecards

-an appendix (eh...)

-sources (31, MLA format—gah!)

-10-pages rough draft

-11-page final paper

My computer just happened to delete **five** pages of my rough draft **three** times. I got paranoid about saving after that.

And no, I did not read over it because I got so anxious about getting it onto FF.

ENJOY!

* * *

Everything froze. Literally. Nobody's eyes flickered around the devastated room, nobody's muscle twitched, and no whispers of breath passed anyone's lips, slightly parted in shock. I was as still as a statue. My brain shut down which made it hard to somewhat concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds at a time, if I was lucky.

The scent of the dead man's blood vanished to me, though it still hung in the dry Texas air. The burn in my throat subsided to a dull scratchy feeling and a mild temperature. I couldn't even process the thought, _Can that even happen?_ Shock can do amazing things to people.

Victoria was first to recover. Trying to act dignified, she stood up, her back ramrod straight, crimson blood still fresh on her lips and splattered droplets on her chin. She quickly wiped her mouth with the palm of her hand which she in turn rubbed off on tattered jeans, sun bleached and worn. Her head jerked toward me and a hiss escaped her lips. Hello to you, too. My lips pressed together into a thin line as I examined her with my eyes narrowed. I tried to ignore Edward.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she spat, trying to conceal the surprise in her red eyes. Her voice carried somehow carried more sharpness than when she was at my old house in Forks. Normally, a shudder would have passed through me and my knees probably would have buckled out from underneath causing me to fall on my butt, but I suppressed the urge. Instead I raised my chin and looked her straight in the eye.

My tone resonated in the little space more cocky than I would have expected myself capable of. "I came here looking for him." I didn't dare look at Edward; I was afraid I really _would_ collapse if I did. I most certainly didn't want to give that impression to the vampire behind me. Besides, we both knew who I was talking about.

Her lips curved up in a sneer. "And who told you where he was?" She shifted her weight to her other foot as if she expected to be here for a while. Leaning back on the checkout counter, Victoria crossed her arms over her chest.

I considered my answer carefully. What would Victoria do if I said it was Alice? Would she seek her out? Though I knew the Cullens were probably more than capable of defending themselves against one sadistic vampire, what with all their special gifts and such, I didn't want to risk it anymore than I had to.

The answer that popped into my head was simplistic enough for me: "His sister."

I didn't have to see Edward to know that his muscles were tensing up, or that his teeth ground together, or even that he was rubbing the bridge of his nose to ease the tension of the situation.

Her eyes narrowed and she pushed herself off of the counter to stalk over to Edward, her bare feet causing the floorboards to creak and shudder and echo the sound. I whipped around to see Victoria standing in front of Edward, whose jaw was clenched and whose fists were balled up by his side.

"Well, well, pretty boy, your family isn't here to save your little girlfriend this time, are they?" she cooed in a mocking baby voice. "Too bad that you both have to die alone. You should have seen what you did to her." Victoria's smile widened considerably—bloodstained teeth being revealed—when Edward grimaced in pain.

"Oh yes. Here, let me tell you my story," she offered, perching on a knocked-over shelf. He didn't say anything, and she took this as her cue to continue. As subtly as I could manage, I inched over, the dead man long forgotten.

"After our coven had left, James decided he wanted that girl. And when he wants a human, there's no stopping him at all. Not that I would want to talk him out of it," she said earnestly, "because I love the thrill of the chase. It's so much fun to see the horror on their faces right before"—she made a pouncing motion—"it's over." I felt sickened to my stomach. If Victoria was like this, was I too?

She smiled sweetly at me before continuing. "James started following you as soon as you two left. I'm not sure where Laurent went." This was the only time when a small frown graced her features but she quickly shook it off.

"He heard the girl fighting with her father. She slammed the door on her way out. I was waiting to get her, but...the stupid vampire—the coven leader's mate—stopped me. I was so frustrated when I heard the engine's noise fading. It meant you were getting away. But I didn't worry about it too much. James always won his games." She picked out the past-tense _won_ with dislike.

"So then James came back to me. He said that she had told her father that she was going to Phoenix, Arizona. By then he had figured out that you were egging him on," Victoria added for our benefit. "Then he got the most genius idea. That you were actually _going_ to Arizona. Of course, he wasn't stupid, it's just he didn't think you were as stupid to use the old 'I'm-actually-going-to-the-place-where-I-said-I-was-going' scheme." She paused for a moment and tapped her index finger on her chin, as if she were deep in thought.

After a short moment, she put her hands back by her side and growled, "He said he was going to get the girl and he would be right back. He didn't _come_ back." I hadn't realized she was clenched the metal frame until with a last groaning protest, the structure bent with an eerie squeak and was ripped off the stack of shelves to be bent in her hand. It became spherical as Victoria let out her anger on the material before heaving it out one of the broken windows.

Through clenched teeth, she continued. "James didn't usually take that long. I wasn't worried, but I wasn't exactly comfortable with the situation either. So I went to Phoenix. He told me before he set out that he was to get the girl at an old ballet studio. So I went there. And you know what I found where said ballet studio was supposed to be?" She sent a steely glare at Edward, one that chilled my bones. "Nothing. _Nothing_. Not a single thing except for a bunch of ash roped off in yellow 'Caution' tape."

Both Edward and I had zoned out after she stopped talking until an earsplitting, animalistic sound ripped from her mouth. I didn't look up; I already knew she was on a rant and I didn't want to get hurt if I were to try to shut her up.

"So I went to _her_ house after venting most of my anger out on worthless _humans_!" she shrieked, gripping her head. "But you weren't there! So I decided to make _you_"—she pointed a quivering finger at Edward—"hurt as much as I was by taking her away. Oh, yet I thought my plan had failed when I went to her house and she claimed that you had left. Then, I got the single most brilliant idea. A mate for a mate. I knew that if you hadn't already changed her, you must be crazy and masochistic and you wanted her to stay human for whatever sick, twisted reason. Why not ruin your chance at a happily ever after? You're mind was already abused beyond repair if you had truly fallen in love with a stupid mortal girl! I simply did you a favor by changing her." Victoria snorted. "I love seeing the pain on your face. It makes revenge all the more sweeter. So you see, you didn't win, Edward Cullen, _I did_. Oh, James would be _so _pleased."

I spared a glance over at Edward. His face, in the meantime had contorted his abnormally gorgeous features into a mask of rage. Quicker than I had looked over, I averted my eyes to the palms of my hands, which were suddenly just _so_ interesting.

Tension was thick in the air until something shattered the silence. A wooden stool had clattered to the floor as Edward jerked upward in one fluid movement, his topaz eyes blazing with fury and his strong arms flexing.

"Why?" he growled, trying unsuccessfully to cool down into his normal self again. "_Why_ would you do that to _Bella_ to all people? She did nothing!" A low hiss escaped his clenched teeth as Victoria smirked.

She fluffed her flame-colored hair. "Why it's simple, dear Edward. Mate for a mate. I thought I already explained that. You're just really unobservant, aren't you?" Victoria sneered, a cold, predatory glint in her eyes.

The next thing happened so quickly that if I was human still, I would have missed everything if I had blinked. In a blur of red and topaz, Edward had lunged at Victoria. His empty hands closed around thin air in the place her head used to be. A tinkling laugh tumbled out of her lips.

Through her teeth she spat, "You have to be faster than that!" Victoria started a dance between hunter and prey in which she would lunge in Edward's face before pulling back, giggling each time like a child who found annoying a parent was amusing and fun to them.

"Once day," Edward growled, becoming more and more frustrated as time wore on, "you are going to _die_. And trust me, Victoria, it's going to be by my hands. But it seems you have a talent for avoiding danger."

"Hmmm..." she mused, pressing one finger to her lips as if seriously considering something, somehow keeping up her game. "That would indeed be interesting. Maybe you're right." As time wore on, I began to notice Edward's point, because even with his advantage, she still managed to duck out of the way when it seemed like the end for her was near. My dead heart was beating furiously in my chest as I watched as she tried to attack him. A huge weight was lifted off my chest when he avoided it.

Suddenly, a snarl ripped from Victoria's chest as she jumped through a broken window. I knew what was going to happen before it did. Victoria broke into a sprint, kicking up dust behind her. Edward crouched and shot out of his position like a cannonball being fired. _No!_ I silently cried. I was going to lose him again. I sprung up from my safe sideline position and ran after Edward, barely catching up to him. Just a little farther before I could latch onto his wrist to stop him. No matter how much I hated Victoria, I couldn't have this happen again.

With my newfound strength I brought him to a halt. "Bella, NO!" he roared angrily as he tried to pull back his arm. My feet wouldn't budge; in fact, I did the opposite thing he was tried to do—I tugged harder as if trying to pull him back towards the gas station. I could really use Alice now, with her gift, which was amazing and would help me out _a lot_ to see whether this whole ordeal would be bad or good. Hopefully it was leaning toward the latter. But I couldn't tell.

"Edward!" I cried, hanging on to his wrist for dear life, "Edward! Stop! You have to listen to me." By now Victoria was far into the distance: A small, black, hazy-looking figure was kicking up dust in her path. A moment later she was gone. "She's gone," I added. "There's no use in trying to get her now. Just listen, please?" Would he? The doubt was starting to consume me.

He didn't register my last comment. There was a hungry, vengeful look gleaming in his eyes—the darkest shade of black, with large, unsubtle bruises under them—and still looking wistfully on the horizon, he muttered, "I can still catch her. You don't understand. I _have_ to catch her. To make her pay."

"Edward Cullen...I am fine. _You_ are fine. Forget about it."

Edward then turned to me, and there was a deep sadness etched upon his face. "How can I forget when you're right in front of me, Bella? When what she did will never go away?" He took one deep, shuttering breath, composing himself. "I'm so sorry. I—"

Oh, God. Oh, God, oh God, oh God. I though Alice had told me he still loved me. Did her vision have a glitch? If this was another breakup speech—because it sure sounded like it—I didn't think I could—or _would—_be able to handle it. Was what the Cullen family brainwashed me into thinking true? Or was it another 'ordinary' lie?

I put my hand up as a signal for him to stop. He respectfully closed his mouth as he gazed at me in apprehension. "Edward, look. What happened last September...well, some people say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Some say that you should forgive and forget. Some say that time heals all wounds. There are many things I have to say to those statements. I agree with the first one. With you, I was happy and complete, and I certainly don't regret those moments in my life. It was a strange day it Biology, that's for sure, but I would never do something as silly and childish and utterly stupid as to wish it never happened, even if I did hurt for a long time. Despite this fact, those months that we had together were the best months of my whole entire life, without a doubt. The second...er..._well_, I do forgive you with all my heart. But I can't forget." He scrunched up his face in a pained grimace and I immediately felt bad for saying it, even though it needed to be out there. "And time most certainly does _not_ heal all wounds. That's okay, though. It's like a good memory. It fades over time, but it still lingers with you." My eyes burned; for a moment I thought I was going to cry, then...I remembered I couldn't. I gave a rattling sigh. "Look, maybe you're sorry, maybe you're not. Still, I forgive you in both scenarios. Because that's what needs to be done."

At the end of my talk, which I really had needed to get off my chest, Edward Cullen stood there flabbergasted. No other word quite described it.

"Bella," he murmured at long last, "I didn't come here to break up with you,"—the relief was enormous—"I came here to say I'm sorry. I'm so _very_ sorry. If I'd had known what would've happened I would have never left you. What I said in the forest..." He trailed off and looked like he was trying to find the right words to say next. He never, ever did that. "What happened in the forest," he tried again, "was the single most painful thing I've had to do. It tore my heart to pieces. The look on your face....Oh, Bella, I'm so very, very sorry. I loved you, I _love _you, and I always will. I never stopped. You are my everything. I had no idea what..._Victoria_"—here he spat the name like something extremely disgusting was in his mouth—"had done to you. Therefore, I simply kept looking for her. I love you like I love nothing else in the world, I only left for your safety." He gave a bitter laugh. "How wrong I was." All of a sudden, Edward became serious again, more serious than he already was. "Isabella Swan, do you still love me?" He was so somber at this life-changing event. It was either a yes or a no, he knew that, he wasn't an idiot. There would be no, "I forgive you and all but we'll have to leave it at a maybe for right now."

But did he really even have to ask the question? There was no need. It should be obvious, what with my depression stage that I had managed to overcome and going the distance to find him. "Yes," I breathed, staring straight into his eyes that were drawing closer and closer until....

His lips pressed softly but urgently against mine and suddenly I felt as if nothing had changed, nothing at all, and I came to the sudden realization of how much I had missed him, everything about him. My fingers wrapped in his hair soft, windblown hair. There was this feeling in my chest, growing and growing, waiting to burst out. It took me a moment to figure it out, no more, no less. At first it seemed like love, like passion, until I realized it was one I picked out for a reason out of hundreds of other feelings for a reason. It was lighter than love. Then it clicked.

I felt complete.

* * *

**A/N:** Look, maybe it isn't that long, but I worked hard, okay? Confrontation scenes are not the easiest thing to write.

Well, I appreciate that you read this, and though it may seem like it, FALSE SUNRISE IS NOT OVER. Pretty close, though. I'll update sooner, I promise. Feel free to email me death threats if it gets too long. Please **review** to bug me about not updating and about **what you thought**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks.


	15. Floating Along

A/N: Fifteenth chapter. This story feels like it's been going on forever...probably because it has been. It will be finished in, if not by, the summer.

* * *

It felt like I was complete after the kiss. No matter what we faced in the future, we would face it together. Edward and I, the two of us as one. I was on top of the world, blazing a bright path for myself, and nothing could stop me. Not even Victoria.

Which was the problem we faced.

Victoria had escaped and we had no idea where she went. Was she hiding out, tense and waiting to spring at us from the shadows? To me, it seemed she was everywhere: In the tense lines in Edward's face, in everyday thoughts, and no matter where I went, it was like she was watching us. Of course, Edward assured me that he couldn't hear her thoughts, so we were safe as we traveled back to the Cullens' house in Ithaca, New York.

None of us knew where she had gone after she escaped from Edward and I. Every time the subject came up, however, I stubbornly pushed back to the corners of my mind, telling myself I would deal with whatever would come _later_. But for me, later never came.

Furthermore, it scared me. Edward had this unhealthy "obsession" with hunting Victoria down. He said it was his duty to protect me and as long as she lived I was unsafe. The conversation came up as we had stopped to rest in a thick forest. Comfortable and peaceful, I leaned against Edward's strong chest as I traced circles on his palms.

"So," he started casually. I glanced up at him warily. He was _too_ calm. His eyebrows rose into his hairline at my skeptical look. "What?"

I shook my head fiercely. "If this is about Victoria, then I don't want to hear it. Listen, Edward, we're _fine_. Alice would call you if she saw anything happening. Besides...if you haven't noticed, I'm a _vampire_ now. You could easily call me indestructible. You're not the only Superman around."

He gave a resigned sigh. "Bella, I don't know what she's going to do. What if she went back to Laurent? What if she found a new coven? You never know with Victoria. When I was tracking her, it seemed she had a knack for avoiding trouble. It's almost as though that's her talent."

I hadn't heard him say this before. "A talent? Sort of like Alice's visions and your mind-reading?"

"Precisely. So, you see, it could be very dangerous."

I didn't say anything after that. The sun dipped below the horizon and cast luminous golds and oranges on everything in sight. I gasped in wonder and delight as my arm sent glittering diamonds in multiple directions. Sometimes being a vampire was truly amazing. I looked happily up at Edward to discover that he was gazing at me with awe in his topaz eyes. "You look lovely," he murmured as he pressed his lips against my skin. He was no longer cool to the touch; rather, he was the same body temperature. It felt natural.

No longer did I require sleep. It was pleasant to not be bothered by inconsequential things. However, I did need blood. It was one _minor_ setback of being a vampire. As the thought crossed my mind, my throat flared up with a wild thirst. However, I didn't feel comfortable stating my dieting preferences to Edward. I made me feel ashamed. Taking a human life was so wrong and yet so necessary to me. I cleared my throat out of habit. His eyes were immediately drawn to my face. "Yes?" he questioned.

"Erm...I kind of need to hunt."

A realization dawned on him. It was like he was just recognizing me as a vampire in need of blood. "But of course. There's a herd of deer nearby; it'll be easy." Then he detected the hesitance in me. "What is it? Would you rather hunt elk? What about mountain lion? I'm sure would could find some. We'll get whatever you want."

I cast my gaze away from him, now looking at some very interesting tress. "You see...I don't hunt animals. I'm in my rebellious stage, per se." It wasn't possible I could have gotten any more embarrassed.

"Oh." That's simple word sent a wave a shame through me. Why couldn't I be like the Cullens? This was just one more reason I wasn't perfect. I bowed my head.

Soft fingers slipped under my chin and forced me to look at Edward. "Bella," he whispered with emotion, "it's okay. I know what it's like. Trust me. You could try it the vegetarian way, or stick with your way. Whichever you choose, I'm fine with it." In that moment I could've believed anything he said. I felt a million times better with his reassurance that I wasn't a bloodthirsty monster, and even more so that he wasn't bothered by it.

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

He smiled. "Really."

We ran through the forest side by side. The experience was so refreshing; it took my mind off the upcoming sin I was about to commit. Ever since I had been turned I had noticed all the little things in life that made the world beautiful.

In that time I decided I was going to _try_ hunting vegetarian style. It was worth a shot.

I stopped abruptly in the middle of a clearing. The moist scent of the forest was making it hard to concentrate on an animal scent. "How do I do this exactly?"

A bemused smile played on Edward's lips. "I imagine you've been doing this for a while. Shouldn't you be experienced on this subject matter by now?" He smoothed out his face when he saw the humorless expression I was giving him. It was not funny at all! I was going to give this a legitimate try! "Well, close your eyes and let your instincts take over you." He shrugged. I did as I was told.

Then it hit me.

A hiker was nearby. His delicious smell blanketed my other senses. I felt Edward stiffen beside. My eyes opened, my nostrils flared, and my throat burned. Edward made a move to stop me but I darted out of his grasp, nimbly avoid an extra few seconds of torture by trying to escape from him; he hissed in frustration. "Bella!" he desperately cried as a last resort. I didn't respond, already breaking out into a sprint.

He roared and started to chase after me. _No_. Edward was too fast for me. "Listen to me, Bella! You're going to regret this!" Hands closed around one of my wrists and I spat in fury, writhing under his grasp, fighting with all I had. He was faster, yet I was stronger. Soon I had broken free, once again on the move.

The hiker was startled out of his mindless walking. "Lord, have mercy," he breathed, his heartbeat accelerating rapidly, and with that, his blood flow.

Blood. The word sent chills of pleasure down my spine. At least, the monster's.

I pounced.

"No!" Edward's voice rang loud and clear behind me. Something in my brain was trying to tell me this was a bad idea. What was it exactly? The rcih perfume was intoxicating me and I couldn't think straight.

Something ran into me like a bowling ball and I was thrown off the man whose wide, terrified eyes looked back up at me. I snarled, trying to break free of Edward's arms, now locked around me without the slightest hint of weakening this time. Again, I growled as I attempted to loosen myself, but to no avail.

"Edward," I said through clenched teeth, trying very hard to please the blood calling to me. The scent, however, was getting less and less prominent as the man ran away and I found that my mind became clearer and clearer with every step he took to increase the distance between us. My attempts became weaker while my guilt grew stronger.

A wail left my parted lips. "Get away from me! I'm a monster!" I shrieked at my one and only love, who just looked appalled that I would dare say such a thing.

"Bella, don't feel bad. I love you. This"--he gestured to the scene around us--"changes _nothing_. It is merely an incident in our unchanging lives that will fade into nothing more than a memory and cease to exist as an experience."

"I can't even control my own bloodlust. Doesn't that bother you?" I flinched as he brushed a stray lock of hair out of my crimson eyes.

"No."

I was shocked. "What? It doesn't _bother_ you that your girlfriend"--I was unnerved at how brave I was for saying the word for the first time in months--"is a bloodsucking fiend that has no heart, no soul, no regret--"

Edward shook his head. "Bella, Bella, Bella. You do have regret, as you recently displayed. You have a soul. I may not, but I am absolutely certain that you do, Bella. And your heart is the biggest and purest and most magnificent I have ever come across in the ninety-some years of my life." He kissed me gently on the lips. "I love you. Don't ever fool yourself that I do not, for it is utter absurdity."

I snuggled into his strong arms. "So..." I started, running my hands through his perfectly soft hair that I so adored. "What happens now?"

He looked down at me with tenderness adorning his every feature. "Anything you want."

Our tinkling laughs were carried along the wind into the evening.

* * *

"So, what does happen now?" I asked as I lay on a grassy hilltop the next day. Edward and I had spent the rest of the night kissing and cuddling, and it was the best experience I had had since he had left. It made me feel complete and wonderful and everything a girl could possible feel when with her dream guy. Mike had no chance--ever--of competing with Edward. Nor did any of the other males that went to Forks High School.

Forks.

I missed that tiny little town that sat nestled in the rainy forests of the Olympic Peninsula. Everything that my life revolved around now happened there. Arizona had been good to me, but Forks had been better. And, if I had the chance, I would return. Except I couldn't because of my seemingly untamable craving for human blood.

Edward and I had decided we would work on it together. It helped the tiniest bit that Edward had experience of what it felt like to have no control. It was absolutely maddening.

Alice, meanwhile, had called Edward on his phone that he was currently answering. Every time he pulled it out, thought, there was a pang of remorse about breaking my own cell phone so generously donated to me from Alice.

Edward snapped his phone shut and stopped pacing for the umpteenth time that day. "Alice wants us to come home."

I sighed heavily. Ever since I had "collected" Edward, as Alice so gracefully put it, I hadn't brought him home to them (the Cullens) in Ithaca, New York. Apparently, that was part of the plan (the plan that I had supposedly known about and was following the whole time, according the psychic pixie by the name of Alice).

"And that was...how many times she's called today?" I asked with a wry grin.

Edward's forehead creased in deep thought. "I would take a guess that that was her...thirty-sixth call...this morning."

A low moan was heard--from both of us--as Edward's phone started buzzing in his pocket. "Make that thirty-seven," I corrected as he answered the call.

"Yes, Alice? I've told you thirty-six times, Bella and I will come back to good old New York whenever we feel like it. Right now, we obviously don't feel like it." He paused to listen to his sister's angry voice on the other line. "Victoria?" I could've sworn my face paled right then and there at the terrifying word coming out of Edward's mouth. "Right. I'll tell her." His voice was tense and that was when I _knew_ something was wrong.

Just as he started to warn me, "Victoria's here," said person jumped out of a nearby tree. Her glowing red eyes matched my own as we started at each other in terse silence.

"I've come here to get Bella," she sneered in her high, bell-like voice at last.

* * *

A/N: I've been so stressed I literally think I've come close to crying a few times. I have a math "quest" and a French quiz tomorrow, to add to it. Plus, I don't get my science homework. Great. Sorry for the wait, but the last few months have been really stressful and I needed time to take a break and read rather than write. I hope you understand.

Reviews would help.

~etherealloveliness


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